Ep20 - Best of Season One!! A Gift to Our Audience

Announcer [00:00:01]:

This is crime cruise, love boat exposed. From studio 109, welcome aboard.

Rob [00:00:12]:

I am Rob Springer, creator and one of the hosts of crime cruise love Boat Exposed. I wanna welcome everyone to our 1st best of season 1 episode. A lot happened in this season, the inaugural season of Love Boat. It started on September 24, 1977, and this show was definitely a reflection of the culture of those times. It's retro, sure. And the point of our show is to watch every episode pull out the weirdest, strangest, most morally corrupt or illegal clips, and We present them and comment on them. Of course, we do that through the lens of modern times. You could say the word wokeness.

Rob [00:00:49]:

I don't like saying it necessarily, but We do apply what is appropriate now on any level to what was appropriate back then, and it leads to a lot of conversation, A lot of humor and sometimes, well, head scratching. The shenanigans that happen on the show are definitely infinite, and right now, we're going to jump in On a very memorable captain Merrill Stubing scene. Captain Merrill Stubing, played by Gavin MacLeod, this was very Uncharacteristic of the captain, the scenario plays out with John Ritter dressed in drag so that he could spy on his, Former girlfriend who's also on the ship, and that leads to, well, very inappropriate situational Comedy when the captain is hugely turned on by John Ritter in drag. And just one more note, at the end of the show is Perhaps the most twisted thing you'll hear in season 1 or maybe seasons to come. Okay. Let's roll.

Love Boat Clip [00:01:50]:

Nice to see you. That's a linen cloud. Oh.

Love Boat Clip [00:01:55]:

Yes. I know. Silly me. I I thought it was the How do you run it?

Love Boat Clip [00:01:59]:

Yes. Alright. Seth, Lynette.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:02]:

Oh, you asked me if I'm in a hurry for the ladies restroom. I don't have time to read your little wee girl's ass. You are

Love Boat Clip [00:02:07]:

getting there for the I know. But I must say it's refreshing to find a young lady these days who'll admit it.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:14]:

Yeah. Love. Isn't that a crime these days what they're doing to the sexes?

Love Boat Clip [00:02:21]:

Very sad. If things keep going on like this, we could all end up just 1 big sex scene.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:26]:

Better than no sex at all.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:30]:

Hi, Hope.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:30]:

We'll see each other again soon.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:32]:

I I don't know. It's such a big ship at all.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:36]:

Not when And you're the captain.

Love Boat Clip [00:02:42]:

Good golly.

Rob [00:02:45]:

Thoughts?

Charlotte [00:02:46]:

There's lots of thoughts, but, I mean, first of all, like, he grabs her when she comes out of linen closet and then, like, corrects. Like, he's never met this woman to my knowledge. Right? This woman being John and drag. This is the 1st time they're interacting. And he literally, like, grabs her and then tosses her. And then, like, obviously, there's a patriarchal situation going on because, you know, they don't like what's happening to the sexes for whatever reason. I mean, you know, no sex is bad too, so I don't know.

Rob [00:03:12]:

Caleb, thoughts. What's in your gut when you see that?

Producer Caleb [00:03:15]:

I'm I'm gonna have to possibly slightly disagree with Charlotte's

Charlotte [00:03:19]:

allowed to.

Producer Caleb [00:03:20]:

When When the captain pulled her him her, from the linen closet, I can understand why he did that because the guest is going into a Crew only area, so but it just flipped 180 when he was like, oh, you're a smoking hot woman. Yeah. Again, just like Rob said, I use woman very loosely. Yeah. You are. Yeah. But and then heavily implied that he Not only wants to, but he will sleep with her.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:49]:

Oh, yeah.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:49]:

Oh, I will see you around

Love Boat Clip [00:03:50]:

Well, I will find you. I will stalk you on this boat. I can find you. Yeah. He basically says you can run, but you can't hide from me.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:56]:

I am the captain.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:57]:

I am the captain of the bull. I will find you anywhere. He's so goofy. I'm not even sure I'd want someone that behaves like that to be the captain ship. Like, I know I don't wanna see the captain freely roaming about the cabin. I want him to be at his post. I don't think I've ever Freaking steering the boat. Do you know what I'm saying?

Love Boat Clip [00:04:11]:

I don't think I've ever met a captain. I mean, sure, I was a child when last time I went on a cruise, but I don't remember ever seeing, like, high cruise authorities just

Love Boat Clip [00:04:19]:

No. And I prefer for my captain on the Airplane to stay inside too. Don't come around. It's come and greet people. Why do I want you to stay in the freaking cockpit. Don't come out.

Rob [00:04:29]:

Well, it's weird, and it's getting weirder.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:31]:

Like Totally true.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:33]:

He's just a horn dog.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:34]:

He is a horn dog. Appreciate you showing me the bridge in your office, captain.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:39]:

Yes. This is where it all happens, miss Riley. The buck stops here.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:43]:

Fascinating, but I do have

Love Boat Clip [00:04:45]:

but you haven't seen any of my radar equipment.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:48]:

How much can a girl think in 1 night?

Love Boat Clip [00:04:51]:

You're the miss Rylie.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:52]:

Do you know?

Love Boat Clip [00:04:53]:

A man gets very lonely at sea.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:56]:

Yes. I can imagine. We must take off it sometime tomorrow.

Love Boat Clip [00:05:01]:

Tomorrow?

Love Boat Clip [00:05:02]:

Yes. Can we discuss it tomorrow? Tomorrow's one of my favorite days.

Love Boat Clip [00:05:06]:

It might be one of my favorite days. Four bells, my offer.

Love Boat Clip [00:05:10]:

Fine. I'll see you then. Bye bye. Bye.

Rob [00:05:14]:

Guys, before we say what we're gonna say, that was the last clip of the show. Yeah. What do you think?

Love Boat Clip [00:05:19]:

Well, mean, she basically had to fight her way to get out of that room. Like, he wasn't gonna let her out. No. Again, hostage taken, kidnapping. Like, it's just it's crazy.

Love Boat Clip [00:05:27]:

And I think, again, Like I said previously, it's kind of like masqueraded by the comedicness of this Totally. Of this drag character. And, oh, this is so funny because he's up in these hijinks and everyone's trying to sleep with him, but no one knows that he's a he's a he. Right. How is he gonna get out of this this situation? Oh, it's so funny. But you pull back the the layers, and you realize this is kind of scary.

Love Boat Clip [00:05:51]:

No. Totally.

Rob [00:05:52]:

Yes. Producer Caleb, it was scary And creepy. And at the same time, always good to see the late John Ritter of Three's Company, another ABC show at the time. He was an outstanding comedic actor. I mean, cut from the same cloth, one might say, of a Lucille Ball in the way he did this slapstick broad physical comedy. He was the top of that list of actors that could do that and probably will ever be able to do that. So Moving on. This one is a very good representation of the dog.

Rob [00:06:26]:

The dog, he's a ladies' man. He's a sleaze. Even for that era, he definitely was overboard in his approach to women and sex. He was a Doctor that would drink during the day. He would constantly hit on the passengers. No boundaries for the dock. And while Every episode had some scenario with the doc doing his stuff. This one early in season 1 is a good representation of no boundaries.

Rob [00:06:52]:

I mean, he's in the doctor's office. He's with a woman who's a centerfold played by Meredith Baxter. At the time, Meredith Baxter, Bernie. She was the mom from Family Ties. Her character at one point in her early life had posed nude for a magazine. And now she's moved on in life, and she's married to a politician, and an adult magazine publishes her pictures. She finds this out when she's on the cruise with her husband, and she knows that there are a certain amount of magazines on the ship, and she is out to destroy them all. She throws some overboard.

Rob [00:07:22]:

She finds some and burns them, and she knows the last one that exists on the ship is in the doc's office. Why would an adult magazine be in the doc's office along with his reading materials? Who knows what it is? So she pretends to be sick, and she goes to his load this for an exam. Here you go.

Love Boat Clip [00:07:39]:

Wanna hop up on a table? Bart, that's an elastic cock. Well, let's have a look at you. Funny. I don't seem to have the temperature, but you're kind of flushed. I don't think you have a cold at all, but you are suffering from acute embarrassment possibly caused by overexposure.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:14]:

You know all of them?

Love Boat Clip [00:08:18]:

I never forget a face. What's wrong? Are you ashamed of that?

Love Boat Clip [00:08:24]:

I'm mortified.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:26]:

Look. I'm a doctor. I see an awful lot of bodies. Once I had a guy so fat, I needed 2 examination tables. As far as I'm concerned, you really have nothing to be ashamed of. Thank you.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:41]:

But is that what you think that concerns me? Like, he he's all he's doing with her. Like, he already knows that she's not sick, and he knows the reason she's there. He's already seen her naked.

Rob [00:08:51]:

And he uses that like he's a puppet master.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:54]:

Let's go I'm a doctor. It's okay. I can comment on your naked body.

Rob [00:08:59]:

Yeah. And he comments favorably. Imagine that. Imagine that. Yes. The doc puts himself in the position of a sage adviser as well as a big fan of her naked body. Okay. So Next up, when it comes to female empowerment, there are some examples of plot lines that do reflect that in season 1 of The Love Boat.

Rob [00:09:19]:

In this case, Jane Curtin from Saturday Night Live is part of a pack of women that decide to inverse the universe of Male culture on the love boat. They are a pack of women that are hunting men for sex. They don't use those words exactly, but They come pretty close, and it's a contest, and it's called romance roulette. Here it is.

Love Boat Clip [00:09:44]:

Well, I don't need something to help My solo, I need something to help my love life. Right. Hey. Let's play romance roulette. Oh, no. No. Great idea. We've got a whole boatload of guys to play it with.

Love Boat Clip [00:09:58]:

Mhmm. Aw, no romance roulette. Come on. I thought we gave up at night dancing college. Hey. What is wrong with picking up a guy, having a little fun, and then dumping him? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Go, girl.

Rob [00:10:14]:

Well, finally, it's a rah rah scene for you.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:15]:

It's a very much a rah rah. I I fully up I applaud these girls all so much more than I did the dudes that went on there because at least I don't know. It's a different

Love Boat Clip [00:10:24]:

I I knew you'd like that clip, Shao. That's why I had to put it in. I was like, oh, Shao's gonna get a kick out

Love Boat Clip [00:10:28]:

of this one. Love it.

Rob [00:10:30]:

Well, at this point, it really is the last thing you'd expect from the love boat because it's always the male that's put in that position and taking advantage of, going after, being the Hunter, and now the ladies are in the romance.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:41]:

Of desperation, depression are going out for guys.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:44]:

Yeah. Who are

Love Boat Clip [00:10:45]:

you gonna find, babes?

Rob [00:10:46]:

I just wanna see what happens next.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:48]:

I do too.

Charlotte [00:10:51]:

I'll fight.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:52]:

And it's settled. The code word little screwdriver.

Producer Caleb [00:10:55]:

Now

Love Boat Clip [00:10:55]:

the 1st 3 guys that come up to the bar and ask for a screwdriver, they're ones we're trying to pick up. Right? Right. Okay. We'll leave the You to start. No. No. Let's be democratic about this. Hello by age.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:07]:

You first, Beth. Oh, youngest first.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:11]:

This Wilson wants a refill. Orange juice and vodka.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:14]:

Orange juice and vodka. That's my pee. No. At safe cruise

Love Boat Clip [00:11:18]:

the dock at the bar. Yes.

Rob [00:11:22]:

Girls going up to the dock.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:23]:

With that. It Delicious. He's drinking on duty. He's a doctor.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:28]:

Orange juice and vodka.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:30]:

Oh, the well, isn't there a name for that drink?

Love Boat Clip [00:11:34]:

Yeah. Those shits, a cabin screwdriver, please.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:39]:

Now some geeky guy just pulled up. Of course.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:41]:

That's what you the movie hour.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:44]:

Old driver. And now you tell me. Haven't we met Someplace before

Rob [00:11:51]:

She's gonna bed hunt anyway.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:54]:

I don't know. Have you ever been to Hackensack? Hackensack?

Love Boat Clip [00:12:00]:

Well, why don't we sit down, and we'll talk about

Charlotte [00:12:03]:

it.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:04]:

Sir, you drink. Fine. Thank

Love Boat Clip [00:12:07]:

I don't mean to be forward, but can I pick you up?

Rob [00:12:10]:

Can Blue surge pick up Lindt?

Love Boat Clip [00:12:13]:

Excuse my friend. He's not as subtle as you.

Rob [00:12:15]:

Hitting on the dock.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:16]:

Wanna see my cabin,

Love Boat Clip [00:12:17]:

and he's gonna get one to see my cabin. It's gonna get laid.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:21]:

1st of all, I like that their code word is screwdriver. Okay, girls. Could we be a little bit conspicuous. I mean, they should have just gone in and thrown out the keyword of sex on the beach. Like, how and my code word is pinball.

Rob [00:12:32]:

For real?

Love Boat Clip [00:12:33]:

For real.

Rob [00:12:34]:

You've used this? Wow.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:35]:

Yes. It's a secret arm.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:36]:

The actual thing, is it?

Love Boat Clip [00:12:37]:

Well, I mean, pinball is a game.

Rob [00:12:39]:

Right.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:39]:

That involves a lot of balls and things.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:41]:

Sure. Fair enough.

Rob [00:12:43]:

Yeah. Double entendre alert from Charlotte. Okay. Well, that was good, and it's always great seeing Jane Curtin in anything. Of course, one of the original females in the not ready for prime time players from Saturday Night And her run went all the way from 75 to 1980. This again was in 77, so she must have done the love boat on her time off. Okay. We're gonna move from female empowerment To a clip of the show from later in the season that our team in the studio as well as listeners told us is hands down the most chauvinistic, brutal scenes of a male on female, and it is a tough one to hear in a sense.

Rob [00:13:22]:

Yet The laugh track is just going strongly, but the woman is strong in the end. But why would she be with this dude in the 1st place? Let's listen.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:31]:

The weaker sex. Well, how

Love Boat Clip [00:13:32]:

do you do? I'm Julie McCoy, the weak little cruise director.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:36]:

Hi, sugar. I'm Kurt Stenzel, and this is Didi Donnelly, my chick.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:40]:

Chick. We're engaged.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:43]:

Having ourselves a little early honeymoon. Roy, chippy face, honey.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:47]:

I'll curse.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:49]:

It's The finest animal I've ever owned.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:52]:

I hate him.

Producer Caleb [00:13:52]:

Come on. Throw it. Stop.

Rob [00:13:53]:

Oh, fudge.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:55]:

I hate him. He said weaker sex.

Rob [00:13:59]:

Uh-huh.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:00]:

And then he said the best animal I've ever owned, and he grabbed her face. And let me tell you right now, she's an effing Redhead, that is literally not the weakest sex. She She will tear your face

Rob [00:14:11]:

apart. She's fiery, And you could tell it, but yet, at the same time, she's letting a manhandle her and talk to her that way.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:17]:

I don't like that. I don't like him.

Rob [00:14:19]:

What a shitty way to start an episode, But it lands right in our target zone.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:23]:

But I really like how Julie is, like, also not putting up with it. Like, Julie was like, hi. I'm the weak little cruise director.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:29]:

What's the matter? Are you you mad at me or something?

Love Boat Clip [00:14:31]:

The finest animal I own. I could have died.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:36]:

Well, I meant that as a compliment. You are, you know, you are a fun animal.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:40]:

Do you think you owe me, like, one of your horses?

Love Boat Clip [00:14:42]:

Hey. Don't make any cracks about my horses.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:45]:

Give big guy kiss No.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:47]:

Ma, you don't care about me. To you, I'm just some chick.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:51]:

No. You're not some chick. You're my chick.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:54]:

About I am a person?

Love Boat Clip [00:14:56]:

Okay. Okay. You're a person. Now shut up before

Rob [00:14:58]:

I belt you.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:01]:

A male chauvinist pig.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:04]:

Hey. Hey. You're damn right I am. You know what the big guy is? He is the Rock island line. You wanna ride it? You ride it like you find it. You don't like it?

Love Boat Clip [00:15:15]:

Oh, yeah? Well, adios, amigo yourself. Get out of the cabin and leave me alone.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:20]:

Uh-huh. I paid for the cabin. You wanna be left alone? There's the door, baby.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:30]:

I won't be alone. Do that real good.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:33]:

And, Angel, When you cool down,

Rob [00:15:35]:

why don't you come back? I need a back rub.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:37]:

Oh my god.

Rob [00:15:38]:

Oh, and bring me some cigarettes.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:42]:

Nope. Nope. Nope. And nope. What an asshole. Yes.

Rob [00:15:48]:

Yeah.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:48]:

No on every level. She is way too hot. She could literally go out onto that cruise Mhmm. Onto the wherever and find any I hope it does, and I woulda jammed my stiletto in his eyeball.

Rob [00:16:03]:

Sometimes violence is the answer. Well, sometimes not. But, hey, we judge those things, you know, Based on merit, of course, but we are generally a peaceful show. Crime Crews Love Boat Exposed, and we're just here to observe and report. So the next scene is actually in the same episode and is a continuation of that verbally abusive, male female scene we just heard. She leaves that cabin in a fury, rightfully so, leaves that dude who's hoping to marry her, And the doc volunteers she could stay in his cabin. Imagine that. Good old doc.

Rob [00:16:37]:

And she says yes. She enjoys the luxury of his accommodations, and he walks into the bedroom ready to get into bed with her. And she's like, woah there, sailor. Uh-uh. So he does actually leave, And he goes to Julie's cabin and stays in Julie's bathtub. This strikes Julie as strange, Strange enough so that she questions herself. Let's listen.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:02]:

I'll sleep in the bathtub.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:04]:

Okay. Doug, Could I ask you a question? I mean, just purely as a matter of interest.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:10]:

How will I sleep in a bathroom? Haven't figured that out yet.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:13]:

No. Well, here we are, 2 passively attractive human beings of the opposite sex. Wanna was a known lecher.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:24]:

You, a lecher? I never suspected that. I'm sorry.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:29]:

Why haven't you made An ocher.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:32]:

What? Julie? That'd be like making a pass of my own kid's sister.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:37]:

What is happening? Did we miss an entire segment where Julie got shit faced or either got, like, roofied or something? Like, what is happening?

Love Boat Clip [00:17:47]:

No. It came out of nowhere. It it shocked me to my core.

Love Boat Clip [00:17:53]:

Like, that is almost that is Really shocking.

Rob [00:17:56]:

I mean, the first thing that comes to mind, government experiment. The boat has been gassed with some kind of experimental.

Love Boat Clip [00:18:02]:

So we have a ghost ship situation happening right now.

Rob [00:18:04]:

Chemical or we we've sailed into the Bermuda Triangle even though this isn't the

Love Boat Clip [00:18:09]:

I literally never thought in my life that I would see Julius The doc, why he hadn't hit on her yet. Wow. Like, I would not be offended if the doc didn't hit on me. I would just think he would think I was a better person.

Rob [00:18:19]:

So she's feeling bad about herself because the doctor might

Love Boat Clip [00:18:21]:

hit on her,

Rob [00:18:22]:

and she's already

Love Boat Clip [00:18:23]:

But everyone else has hit on her.

Rob [00:18:24]:

And why wouldn't the doc do her?

Love Boat Clip [00:18:27]:

The duck said that it's like,

Rob [00:18:29]:

I know Yusuf said that. He's just saying that, though.

Love Boat Clip [00:18:32]:

He would totally do her.

Rob [00:18:33]:

Of course. That's what I'm saying.

Love Boat Clip [00:18:34]:

Yes. Of course. He just needs her to beg.

Rob [00:18:36]:

Good God. Where does this episode? I don't know. Where does it all go? Well, it certainly was a strange episode with really rough stuff between that couple and that weird turn by Julie. But Julie is only human. We must remember that. So speaking of humans and the human condition, this is one of the top strangest, Perhaps most twisted, yes, most twisted moments

Love Boat Clip [00:19:00]:

on

Rob [00:19:01]:

The Love Boat season 1, and it involves a priest and orphan boys. I will say no more, and I will roll the clip.

Announcer [00:19:11]:

We'll be right back with more Love Boat Go to loveboatexposed.com to send us a message. Leave a voice mail or learn more about the show and our team. Who knows? You might just be invited to the captain's table.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:26]:

It's a pleasure to welcome you aboard. I'm speaking for my entire crew.

Rob [00:19:33]:

I'm gonna put this clip in the batter's box.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:36]:

Let's do it.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:36]:

Let's do it.

Rob [00:19:36]:

And we're gonna see something that it sounds like Will astounded shock us?

Love Boat Clip [00:19:41]:

I'm ready. I'm ready to be astounded shock us.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:43]:

Okay, guys. I'm settle down. Settle down. It's cool. Kids.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:47]:

Hi. Welcome aboard, father Mike. It's good to see you again. This is already

Love Boat Clip [00:19:51]:

a problem.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:51]:

I'd like you to meet Mario, Marty, Ben, Mitch, Beanutto. Hi.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:57]:

Hello. Hello. Hi, darling. Hi.

Rob [00:20:00]:

Hurry on boys by the priest.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:01]:

Okay, guys. Let's get going on. Now no No bushing, no shoving, and no fighting.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:06]:

Julie Bree?

Love Boat Clip [00:20:07]:

Let me take a bite out. In

Rob [00:20:13]:

Texas, Julian.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:14]:

Was that father like?

Love Boat Clip [00:20:15]:

Yes, sir. He brought 6 kids with him this year.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:19]:

Oh my

Love Boat Clip [00:20:20]:

god. I don't even know where to start that a priest gets on a cruise ship With 6 young boys, all diverse, by the way, just just in case anyone's wondering. All diverse, all equally exposed.

Rob [00:20:34]:

Everyone's represented.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:35]:

But Can we breathe? Like, what is this dude do what the This is crazy.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:42]:

It really I What yeah. No. That I

Love Boat Clip [00:20:45]:

I don't even know. Like, literally?

Love Boat Clip [00:20:47]:

So they they're orphans at, I guess, the priest's Orphanage, I wanna what? Play

Love Boat Clip [00:20:53]:

parents, you guys. Exactly. She's not an appearance.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:56]:

This is bad. But it's terrible. It definitely definitely shows the the dynamics of The diff the differentiating, generations because this would not fly under any circumstance in today's life. But down the seventies, I guess they could get away with it.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:10]:

No. I'm gonna bring a bunch of orphan boys into international waters where I can't get charged with anything On a boat, they're all kinda bad.

Rob [00:21:23]:

And this would be an attempt before there was this exposed Catholic The church thing, of course, and everyone's with father, father. What's the father's name again? Father. Father Mike or something

Love Boat Clip [00:21:33]:

like that. I mean, really, at this point. There to

Rob [00:21:37]:

make sure he gets what he wants.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:39]:

Because he's in control of the children. He won't even let them breathe.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:42]:

How are the kids?

Rob [00:21:44]:

Up to know they're getting ready for dinner.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:46]:

I only had to break up 1 water flight, one soap flight. Well, we

Love Boat Clip [00:21:50]:

Where was that? Point.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:52]:

I can get that out. You're good with kids I destroy people.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:56]:

Maybe that's why you're a priest. Yeah.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:59]:

I'm a captain.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:02]:

I understand the sea.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:06]:

Where did he break out the soap fight and the water fight? Where was this fight taking place? Obviously, there's no pool. There's no they're not in the ocean, so they must have been in a bathtub.

Rob [00:22:15]:

I I understand the sea meant something horrible here, but I can't figure it

Love Boat Clip [00:22:20]:

out. The the the biggest thing for me on this clip was the captain goes, you're good with kids.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:28]:

Oh my

Love Boat Clip [00:22:28]:

god. Oh my god. This is how it happens.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:31]:

This cannot fly tonight.

Rob [00:22:33]:

Oh my god.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:34]:

Bath. You're good with kids. The they're all chopped up in my backyard.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:39]:

Yeah. I'm good with kids when we're playing with water.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:42]:

When I'm breaking up soap and water fights in the shower, I'm Great with them.

Rob [00:22:46]:

Soap and water fights. Okay. Whew. Well, let's cleanse our palate and move on to attempted murder. It happened a couple times in season 1, once with mister Brady, Mike Brady from The Brady Bunch, aiming a rifle momentarily at his Ex wife and proclaiming his desire to kill her. Well, this isn't the scene we're going to hear. It's a short one, and it has to do with 2 Ex lawyer friends. 1 does an illegal move, and his friend goes to jail for it.

Rob [00:23:18]:

It's also in the same episode of the priest thing that we just heard. So you're going to see an Tempted murder that somehow is thrown off course. Take a listen.

Love Boat Clip [00:23:30]:

You were a great kitter. I'm not kidding now, Will. What's next?

Love Boat Clip [00:23:37]:

God. He blows a gun on him.

Love Boat Clip [00:23:42]:

Don't do anything foolish. I've already done something foolish. Oh. I served 3 years in prison for something you did, buddy. It wasn't my fault. I I took the money. I admit it. I was in trouble in the market.

Love Boat Clip [00:23:58]:

It was serious trouble, and I really needed that money desperately. So you sent me out. No. I swear I didn't. Hello, Dan. I never thought that you'd be convicted. I I always thought I could win you an equivalent, and now no one would be hurt. Somebody was hurt,

Rob [00:24:32]:

Enter the convoy. I have a good one. It

Love Boat Clip [00:24:37]:

doesn't Merry Christmas, white.

Love Boat Clip [00:24:39]:

There's some

Rob [00:24:40]:

of the wife. Hugs.

Love Boat Clip [00:24:42]:

I was not expecting A gun. This, like

Love Boat Clip [00:24:48]:

Another reason for security. I literally don't have to say it again.

Love Boat Clip [00:24:51]:

This this whole episode, can you this does not Feel like a Love Boat episode. This is like this is the

Rob [00:24:56]:

rest of life too.

Love Boat Clip [00:24:58]:

Wild It is wild.

Love Boat Clip [00:24:59]:

Crazy thing. Like, he was we were about to watch someone get shot on love boat. He kept

Rob [00:25:04]:

pushing the barrel of the gun into the dude's gut, pinned him against the wall. He was gonna pull the trigger.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:09]:

But then he started hearing the heavenly music Christmas hymns, and his whole life changed. Yeah.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:13]:

And they started singing, like, the the, other people on board are singing Christmas hymns because it's I think it's Christmas night or, like, Christmas you've

Love Boat Clip [00:25:19]:

My mood wouldn't

Love Boat Clip [00:25:20]:

have changed. I would've shot that mother.

Rob [00:25:22]:

Well, that's some tough talk from cohost Charlotte. Sometimes warranted, and sometimes that's up for the audience to decide. But Charlotte's awesome. She is so awesome that we do enjoy from time to time well, Well, I do, anyway. Throwing a little, joke her way in the grand humor that happens within our studio, studio 109. And here was one of those moments. Did it go too far? I don't think so. Let's take a listen.

Rob [00:25:50]:

Well, all that said, it was nice to see missus Brady.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:54]:

Looking beautiful. Yeah.

Rob [00:25:56]:

Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:59]:

I mean, she looked beautiful, I thought.

Rob [00:26:00]:

You watched the Brady Bunch. Right?

Love Boat Clip [00:26:02]:

I've seen a couple episodes, yeah, of I was I was young.

Rob [00:26:04]:

She look she's a bit looking

Love Boat Clip [00:26:05]:

like really good.

Rob [00:26:06]:

Who's hotter, missus Brady or missus Partridge?

Love Boat Clip [00:26:10]:

Partridge.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:11]:

I don't know who missus Partridge is, so you kinda missus Partridge family, Caleb. No. Never watched that. Sorry.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:16]:

Partridge for sure.

Rob [00:26:17]:

And I know you're a little bit partial to missus Partridge because didn't you date Danny Bonaduce? No.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:24]:

I have it here.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:27]:

The Rob? No. Literally, I've only dated Oscar winners. Get out of here. No, Gailey Chad. Get the away. You're crazy. Danny bought a dougie. No.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:41]:

I'm literally, like, taller than that walker. No way.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:44]:

Why say date?

Rob [00:26:45]:

That's probably the more word.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:46]:

Well, okay. That's even worse.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:51]:

Okay. Ralph's going to the next one, Freddie. He's just like

Love Boat Clip [00:26:53]:

take something tonight to get all punchy and crazy. The thing

Rob [00:26:56]:

is so to run with if I just throw wall. Yeah.

Love Boat Clip [00:27:01]:

Well, let's

Love Boat Clip [00:27:01]:

just throw everything at the goddamn wall. K? Let's roll the next clip.

Rob [00:27:04]:

All in good fun, and thank you for letting us have a little Bit of just that with you, Charlotte. Okay. Next. Oh, this is tough. This is Bob Crane's scene In The Love Boat. Now Bob Crane, at the pinnacle of his career, was a star in the TV series Hogan's Heroes, which ran from 19, 65 to 70 one. It was a sitcom based in a Nazi POW camp, so you know the hilarity was unbounded. Somehow, the show actually worked in a way, And it also had Richard Dawson, who was the 1st host of Family Feud, and some other actors that were really good actors.

Rob [00:27:41]:

And somehow in this World War two setting, Bob Crane, colonel Hogan was a ladies' man who kind of had control over the Nazis that Ran the camp. Whew. Weird stuff. I know. Many have never heard of it. Weird stuff growing Into weirder stuff. On this episode, Bob Crane plays one of the temporary staff on the Pacific Princess. He's kinda sleazy, so he comes across a couple.

Rob [00:28:08]:

Turns out the woman is his long lost daughter who he ran away from and, you know, never had to care about. So The episode progresses, and he somehow builds a relationship with her. And now he's saying goodbye on the departure from the ship. And listen to what happens. It's strange and maybe fitting That, this was Bob Crane playing this role.

Love Boat Clip [00:28:32]:

Hello, it. What's so terrible about it? One thing is to beat myself out of the big ship.

Love Boat Clip [00:28:40]:

Now now we're gonna see you in 2 weeks. Right? I can't wait to show you the new apartment.

Rob [00:28:44]:

Now we have the bells on.

Love Boat Clip [00:28:46]:

Hold it. Sam.

Announcer [00:28:48]:

I'm not a terrible leader about being your father.

Love Boat Clip [00:28:49]:

Feel like I'm on Canada Camp. You do? My hand. My hand. My hand.

Rob [00:28:54]:

My hand. My

Love Boat Clip [00:28:58]:

hand. My hand.

Love Boat Clip [00:28:58]:

And Dan sounds nice.

Announcer [00:29:00]:

Sure doesn't.

Rob [00:29:02]:

Oh, what?

Love Boat Clip [00:29:03]:

I don't know if dads have kissed their daughters on the lips, like, passionately like that. Plus, they're, like, later on in life, like, in their forties and fifties, sixties.

Love Boat Clip [00:29:11]:

Look.

Love Boat Clip [00:29:11]:

That was very passionate, those kisses between the dad.

Love Boat Clip [00:29:14]:

And, look, I know

Love Boat Clip [00:29:15]:

you wanna say something, but

Love Boat Clip [00:29:16]:

I'm also

Love Boat Clip [00:29:17]:

Stop. Look. Dear god. There's nothing wrong with kissing your parents.

Love Boat Clip [00:29:25]:

I agree. But I kiss 1 all the time. But

Love Boat Clip [00:29:29]:

they've known each other for literally less than a week. And just like you said, Rob, Those kisses were very passionate. Yeah. And, I mean, I feel like there's a certain age where you kind of stop Kissing your parents on the lips possibly maybe?

Rob [00:29:45]:

I will even put forth that perhaps you never kiss your parents on the lips.

Love Boat Clip [00:29:49]:

Well, I mean, I've I mean, I grew up the family is very hugging, kissy, and touchy. Like, that's just our love language. It's like but, I mean, we would that is just uncalled for. I mean, I would never lingerly. And then with, like, the dad's hand around the waist Yeah. Pulling you close, Like, that's just all kinda bad and wrong and twist and up.

Rob [00:30:10]:

Right. It makes me think that perhaps he finds a new daughter that he left, like, on every cruise.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:15]:

Well, the daughter looked like the bitch he brought on the boat. Yeah. If you wanna go back to it.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:21]:

Good point.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:22]:

Well But, again Well, what? It's the truth.

Rob [00:30:25]:

Go ahead, Caleb.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:30]:

Well Shutting Charlotte down.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:34]:

I could maybe possibly excuse him if he when he did it once.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:41]:

But the

Love Boat Clip [00:30:41]:

fact that he went in For a 2nd time, that's what made me almost kind of throw up because I was like, okay. Fine. Sure. What the hell? You See, whatever. But oh, dad? I'm really liking the sound of that. Yeah. Me too, honey.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:57]:

Smacking 1.

Love Boat Clip [00:30:58]:

Call me daddy. Call me daddy. Smack, smack, Wipe Wipe. Well

Rob [00:31:04]:

Every so, yeah, we're seeing the end of Bob Crane's acting career here.

Love Boat Clip [00:31:09]:

Yes. So he died soon after this must have aired.

Rob [00:31:13]:

Those are our thoughts on the Bob Crane plotline. As a footnote to this scene, as you heard, he passed away Shortly after the show was aired, he was murdered. He allegedly was killed with a tripod by a friend of his, And the 2 of them got mixed up in some dirty business. You can see the entire story fictionalized In the movie from 2002, Autofocus with Greg Kinnear and William Dafoe, a great movie. Some will say it's what happened. Others will debate it is actually happened? It was a crime, and it was certainly, in a sense, a crime of passion. Okay. Well, that is heavy.

Rob [00:31:50]:

And let's go to a little bit lighter. This is a scene that stars Priscilla Barnes, who later was one of Suzanne Somers' replacements on Three's Company. She plays A dumb blonde, and she's in a bikini contest, and this is the talent portion of the contest. Here we go.

Love Boat Clip [00:32:07]:

Ladies and gentlemen, It's time for the talent contest and the final judging. This is part of the competition which allows our judges to see a different facet young ladies, the ability to be in the spotlight.

Love Boat Clip [00:32:20]:

Where the beavers The beavers. Where the squirrels hid their acorns. He talked with them Wherever he met them, and he called them Hiawatha's brothers. Okay. 1, I wanna say that this bitch is dressed like a native, and that really fucking upsets me.

Love Boat Clip [00:32:48]:

That was that that was I was

Love Boat Clip [00:32:49]:

mean, she's a blonde bitch with, like, a feather cap on. Like, no. We're not gonna do like, really?

Love Boat Clip [00:32:54]:

They did that. They did that. They went there. And then and then to make it worse, she was acting out a native story, I'm assuming, or just very badly. Acting out

Love Boat Clip [00:33:04]:

a native story very badly.

Love Boat Clip [00:33:06]:

Like, she she's the Klutz. That's what

Love Boat Clip [00:33:08]:

I look like. Let me tell you right now. If you're listening and you are a white person and you dress up as a native on a Halloween, go yourself. Yeah. I didn't even Like, go yourself.

Rob [00:33:19]:

Well, okay. Let's get past that.

Love Boat Clip [00:33:21]:

I mean, really?

Rob [00:33:22]:

So The girls that were also in the competition were watching her, like, shaking their heads like, what an asshole. Course, they were.

Love Boat Clip [00:33:30]:

Because she was

Love Boat Clip [00:33:31]:

doing this

Rob [00:33:32]:

kinda dumb, blonde thing of, just saying stupid shit, but also of, appropriating Native Americans.

Love Boat Clip [00:33:38]:

Mhmm. Yeah.

Rob [00:33:40]:

So I think you're beginning to understand that The Love Boat is an equal opportunity offender, racism, sexism, Harassment, stowaways, which we didn't cover in this show, but it involves Charo, and we'll see Charo again in season 2. But she is a mainstay on the show, and I'm sure at some point, we'll have some, perhaps, tribute to Charo. I think she was on the show, like, 10 times through its entire course. Oh, Alright. Well, this is the big one. I don't wanna say the best, but we save the worst for last. This story line was presented, I Believe as something that would be humorous and caring, showing a touching relationship with an older lonely man And a child that is a runaway. And if that was really the intention, this one went way off the tracks.

Rob [00:34:30]:

You'll see what I mean. Here we go. I'm looking at the 1st frame of what we're about to queue up. I don't know what's happening. It looks wrong.

Love Boat Clip [00:34:39]:

All of it looks wrong.

Love Boat Clip [00:34:41]:

For for our listeners, what we see is there's a larger older gentleman and he has Maybe both arms, maybe just 1, around this tiny little probably prepubescent girl. It's yeah. I think we should just dive into it and see.

Love Boat Clip [00:34:57]:

Let's go let's go for it.

Love Boat Clip [00:34:58]:

He's wrong. What's going on? Here

Love Boat Clip [00:35:00]:

it is. I'm going to have you hauled in for trespassing. No, please. You.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:06]:

They can weed

Love Boat Clip [00:35:07]:

those all wrong.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:08]:

My list is Nancy Brown.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:11]:

Uh-huh. And I am John Doe.

Rob [00:35:13]:

We're watching a very large caveman.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:16]:

What are you doing on this

Speaker H [00:35:18]:

ship? I'm traveling.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:18]:

I go wake ish,

Love Boat Clip [00:35:20]:

childlike fool. Are a runaway, aren't you? Thank you.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:27]:

Things were getting heavy at home. Okay. See, again, security. If they had security, they wouldn't have runaways like busting up on ships I then having to hide out in dirty old men's rooms.

Rob [00:35:38]:

And what We're seeing here is truly the epitome of a dirty old man. He's a very large dude.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:43]:

He's dirty. He's he's he's he's he's

Rob [00:35:45]:

he's he's he's he's he's dripping in something.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:49]:

An old man ness.

Rob [00:35:50]:

An old man ness.

Love Boat Clip [00:35:51]:

My old man always have that kind of just they just Yeah. What's that thing? I don't know

Love Boat Clip [00:35:55]:

how to stress.

Rob [00:35:56]:

Urine. Real Oh,

Love Boat Clip [00:35:57]:

whoa bros? But we're

Rob [00:35:59]:

seeing this dude kinda corner this little, like, gosh. It looks like she's 4 foot 10. We're watching him corner this girl woman who's probably 18, maybe 15. I'm not sure, but He's, he's chasing her around the road.

Love Boat Clip [00:36:15]:

See, Rob, you're thinking she's 18 is what gets guys in trouble. She is probably 15. Probably.

Rob [00:36:22]:

Caleb, you're a young man. How old is she? What are you thinking?

Love Boat Clip [00:36:25]:

I will not disclose how old she is because that's one of the

Love Boat Clip [00:36:29]:

Oh, Jesus.

Rob [00:36:30]:

Spoiler alert. Okay. Well, with that said, we're just gonna jump into the next clip and see what this is about.

Love Boat Clip [00:36:38]:

No. No. But suppose someone did sneak aboard as a stowaway, what would the ship's policy be?

Love Boat Clip [00:36:45]:

Well, so they'd be placed ashore, the first port, unless, of course, they're willing to pay their passage.

Love Boat Clip [00:36:49]:

But why are we supposing, sir, no one sneaks aboard this ship without my knowledge? Not I have my eyes peeled at times rurally scared of her interlopers. Forcibly, if necessary. But just a minute, officer. The truth is she's my granddaughter.

Love Boat Clip [00:37:04]:

Your granddaughter

Love Boat Clip [00:37:05]:

Yeah. She didn't notice that the ship had died. Lie. I'll gladly pay for

Rob [00:37:09]:

her a couple of

Love Boat Clip [00:37:10]:

How about a cabin?

Love Boat Clip [00:37:12]:

Well, sir, that could be a problem. You see, we're all sold out. There isn't another cabin on the entire ship.

Love Boat Clip [00:37:17]:

What about office? Spare light boat? Norman. Office. We got room in the swimming pool that shallow moon. How about the deeper end? She's a good swimmer. Sure. If she's your granddaughter, Why doesn't she share your cabin? Oh, god. Why didn't I say that before? Because The idea stinks. That idea stinks, Julian.

Love Boat Clip [00:37:39]:

It was your idea, Gopher. Not his granddaughter.

Love Boat Clip [00:37:44]:

No? No.

Love Boat Clip [00:37:45]:

Random chick who's probably 15 doesn't now stay in the room with an old dude.

Love Boat Clip [00:37:49]:

Random stowaway who's very, very young, yeah, is now Going to be bunkmates with this very much older gentleman.

Love Boat Clip [00:38:00]:

All the issues.

Producer Caleb [00:38:01]:

I mean,

Love Boat Clip [00:38:02]:

I don't even know where to start. I really don't even know where to start.

Love Boat Clip [00:38:04]:

We I didn't think we can start because it's self explanatory. Like, what's wrong with it? It's

Rob [00:38:12]:

little love. They're doing yoga.

Love Boat Clip [00:38:15]:

If I cross my legs like that, I'd have to buy them apart with a crowbar.

Charlotte [00:38:18]:

I don't use a stone.

Speaker H [00:38:19]:

Come on. It a try. Why do you got balloons?

Love Boat Clip [00:38:22]:

My circulation.

Producer Caleb [00:38:24]:

You're getting it?

Rob [00:38:25]:

There we go.

Love Boat Clip [00:38:26]:

The blood's going places that have been in 60 years. Thank

Love Boat Clip [00:38:30]:

you. Now I got a chant. It's She's obviously from California. Now you try.

Love Boat Clip [00:38:53]:

I just care. Digging wood and the sky. Good hot glock. The old The

Rob [00:38:58]:

heat blowing spoon thing. It's touching us, Mark.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:01]:

Oh my god. I think alright.

Rob [00:39:04]:

Let me set up what we just saw. They're on the pool deck. You could hear they're doing yoga. He's folding his legs Indian style. She's helping him Alright. Wait.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:12]:

He did not get there, though.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:14]:

Well, another thing I wanna quote, the the older man. He said, I have woah. There is blood going to places I haven't felt in 60 years. Did are you did that happen? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right as she, like, pooed his leg up.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:28]:

Dude tells you blood is flowing anywhere, You need to know what that means, chickadees. Oh my gosh. Because I only mean one thing when they say blood's flowing.

Rob [00:39:37]:

I had no idea that was happening, guys.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:40]:

Does y'all blood not flow normally?

Rob [00:39:42]:

It it does. Look. I'm gonna I I I missed this. Let me just see this one more.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:47]:

If I cross my legs like that, I'd have to am a part of the crowbar.

Charlotte [00:39:51]:

I don't use a stone.

Speaker H [00:39:52]:

Come on. Give it a try.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:53]:

What have you got to lose?

Love Boat Clip [00:39:54]:

My circulation.

Producer Caleb [00:39:57]:

Getting it? There we go.

Love Boat Clip [00:39:59]:

My blood's going places that hasn't been in for 60 years.

Love Boat Clip [00:40:02]:

Oh my god. That was after she moved her his foot right around his

Rob [00:40:05]:

Moved his foot right around his ankle. I think we said everything that needs to be said for that, but I certainly haven't said everything about our show, Crime crews Love Boat Exposed. Thank you to our audience. It grows every episode into some big numbers. It's really Appreciate it. And I wanna remind folks to go to loveboatexposed.com or just Google Love Boat Exposed. You'll come to our podcast website, and you can leave a voice mail. And if it's good, we'll use it on the show, so feel free to voice mail your questions to us or email them.

Rob [00:40:37]:

That's fine too. We love your participation. And a huge thanks to cohost Charlotte and producer Caleb, our on air staff. It's the 3 of us who do the show from Nuts to bolts, and we really enjoyed doing it. We're gonna keep going. Season 2 is something that looks fantastic, and it will be covered in such a way, and then there's a season 3 and 4 and 5 and 6. So thank you for listening. And if you haven't subscribed, please do subscribe On Spotify or Apple or your favorite podcast platform, we love when you subscribe because our shows will arrive to you all neatly packaged every Thursday Early in the day.

Rob [00:41:17]:

Please tell your friends if they haven't heard it, turn them on to our show. Let them listen to this best of episode or any of the episodes in season 1 or our coming seasons, and we look forward to being part of your entertainment comedy routine for years to come. Thank you, everybody. Your listenership is truly appreciated. And I'll throw in just 1 more note. If anyone out there personally or for their business is looking to do a podcast or set up podcast or social media studio. It's something that we do. My company is RS Media Group, and you can find us at r s media dot group, And you can read about us and some of the things we do.

Rob [00:41:52]:

We work for companies, and we work for individuals. And we love people broadcasting their message because we so love doing just the same. Have a good one, folks. Thank you.

Love Boat Clip [00:42:02]:

The end is coming sooner than the doctors foresaw. I want to see this thing through alone. The short time I have left would only be tortured as sure as boats. So I have left you all while joy was still with us as it has been from the moment I first saw your beautiful face. Do not trap my darling, my undying love. You will live