Ep10 - Grandpa and the Stowaway - Amber Alert!

Announcer [00:00:01]:

This is Crime cruise. Love Boat exposed. Saturday on The Love Boat, the podcast that hunts down and tears apart shenanigans on this classic TV show.

Love Boat Clip [00:00:13]:

I see an awful lot of bodies who really have nothing to be ashamed.

Announcer [00:00:16]:

Of when laws, morals, and behavior go rogue.

Love Boat Clip [00:00:21]:

He's a student of marine biology, and I know a lot of Marines who like to study her biology.

Announcer [00:00:26]:

We are there Saturday on The Love Boat Julia's game to join an all male club. But she's shocked. The things they ask her to do. Now from Studio 109, welcome aboard.

Love Boat Clip [00:00:38]:

I think it's time you and I got to know each other. A man gets very lonely at sea.

show clip [00:00:46]:

Yes, I can imagine. Yes.

Rob [00:00:48]:

Welcome to Crime cruise love Boat exposed.

Charlotte [00:00:51]:

Hi, Stephen Lunwire.

Rob [00:00:53]:

I am your host Rob, and co host Charlote Jones. And we are also here with the gentleman we like to call producer Caleb.

show clip [00:00:59]:

Welcome.

Producer Caleb [00:01:00]:

Hello again. Thank you. Yeah. Been quite alone. I just control the spiders. I just eat them. That's kind of my main source of food.

show clip [00:01:09]:

Okay.

Charlotte [00:01:10]:

Oh, wow. We went just went there.

Rob [00:01:13]:

I don't think we wanted to know.

Producer Caleb [00:01:14]:

Well, now it's out there.

Rob [00:01:15]:

No. Well, what producer Caleb does for us is goes through every episode of The Love Boat. We're in season one right now. And what episode are we doing tonight?

Producer Caleb [00:01:29]:

Episode twelve.

Rob [00:01:30]:

Okay, it's episode twelve, season one of The Love Boat, I believe we're in 1978, and we look at every episode of The Love Boat, and we're going right to the last episode. It was like an eight year run.

show clip [00:01:43]:

Or something like that.

Charlotte [00:01:44]:

Dude, I think there's, like, 25 seasons.

show clip [00:01:46]:

I know.

Rob [00:01:47]:

Then they kind of reinvented it.

show clip [00:01:49]:

Yeah. Spoiler alert. Julie left.

Rob [00:01:52]:

She had some problems personally, and they.

show clip [00:01:55]:

Brought in the captain's daughter.

Charlotte [00:01:58]:

Oh, great.

show clip [00:01:58]:

Yeah.

Charlotte [00:01:59]:

Seems like an epitome. A little bit.

show clip [00:02:01]:

Daughter.

Charlotte [00:02:01]:

It was like forgotten daughter. Like a soap opera.

Rob [00:02:04]:

Yes. So, Charlote, what do we do here?

Charlotte [00:02:07]:

That's a really loaded question, Rob. I show up here once a week and have fun. I feel like that we're watching The Love Boat through generations that haven't seen it and picking it apart and finding out what we're appalled at that they got away with.

Rob [00:02:21]:

Exactly right.

show clip [00:02:22]:

Because the morals back in the they.

Rob [00:02:28]:

Were different than they are now in this more for better or worse woke society. So what we do is we look.

show clip [00:02:34]:

Through the lens of modern times, and we look backwards at every episode of The Loveboat.

Rob [00:02:38]:

And producer Caleb over there, he plucks out usually half a dozen clips, something along those lines of things that we might call morally reprehensible, sexual harassment, or just fucked up.

show clip [00:02:51]:

Just fucked up. Illegal.

Producer Caleb [00:02:53]:

Just yeah. All the isms, racism, sexism, everything. But I also sometimes pick out stuff that's legally questionable. It's not morally wrong, but it's probably most definitely against the law.

Charlotte [00:03:08]:

But they are in international waters.

show clip [00:03:11]:

They are.

Charlotte [00:03:11]:

So is anything really against the no and for us. I mean, I just want to make that a blanket. That's a fact.

Rob [00:03:19]:

It's a very miles, I think 3 miles offshore.

show clip [00:03:23]:

You are Lawless Lawless and not Lucy Lawless.

Charlotte [00:03:26]:

Sounds like where I'm spending my retirement. I'm getting a boat 3 miles off the coast.

show clip [00:03:30]:

I like that.

Producer Caleb [00:03:31]:

You can gamble.

Rob [00:03:32]:

Whatever. Everything cat around. Okay, so anyway, here we go. I'm looking at the first frame of what we're about to queue up. I don't know what's happening. It looks wrong.

Producer Caleb [00:03:46]:

All of it looks wrong for our listeners. What we see is there's a larger, older gentleman and he has maybe both arms, maybe just one arm around this tiny little, probably prepubescent girl. Yeah, I think we should just dive into it and see.

Charlotte [00:04:04]:

Let's go for and what's going on.

Rob [00:04:07]:

Here it is.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:08]:

I'm going to have you hauled in for trespassing.

show clip [00:04:10]:

No, please.

show clip [00:04:15]:

My name is Nancy Brown.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:18]:

And I am John Doe.

show clip [00:04:20]:

We're watching a very large man.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:22]:

What are you doing on this ship?

Love Boat Clip [00:04:24]:

Traveling.

show clip [00:04:25]:

Are you going to make something?

Rob [00:04:27]:

Childlike runaway.

Love Boat Clip [00:04:29]:

Aren't you? Aren't you?

Love Boat Clip [00:04:33]:

Things were getting heavy at home.

Charlotte [00:04:37]:

Okay, see, again, security. If they had security, they wouldn't have runaways. Like busting up on ships, then having to hide out in dirty old men's rooms.

Rob [00:04:45]:

And what we're seeing here is truly the epitome of a dirty old man. He's a very large dude.

Charlotte [00:04:49]:

Looks dirty.

Rob [00:04:51]:

He looks dirty. He's gray haired. He's dripping in something.

Charlotte [00:04:55]:

In old manness.

Rob [00:04:56]:

In old manness.

Producer Caleb [00:04:58]:

Old men always have that kind of just they just rip some wet.

show clip [00:05:02]:

It's urine, really.

Rob [00:05:05]:

But we're seeing this dude kind of corner, this little like she looks like she's four foot ten. We're watching him corner this girl, woman who's probably 18, maybe 15, I'm not sure, but he's chasing her around a road.

Charlotte [00:05:22]:

See, Rob, you thinking she's 18 is what gets guys in trouble. She is probably 15. Probably.

Rob [00:05:28]:

Caleb, you're a young man.

Producer Caleb [00:05:30]:

How old is she?

show clip [00:05:31]:

What are you thinking?

Producer Caleb [00:05:32]:

I will not disclose how old she is because that's one of the clips.

show clip [00:05:36]:

Oh, jeez. Spoiler alert.

Rob [00:05:38]:

Okay, well, with that said, we're just going to jump into the next clip.

show clip [00:05:42]:

And see what this is about.

Love Boat Clip [00:05:45]:

No, but suppose someone did sneak aboard as a stowaway. What would the ship's policy be?

show clip [00:05:51]:

Well, sir, they'd be placed ashore at the first port. Unless, of course, they're willing to pay their passage.

Love Boat Clip [00:05:56]:

But why are we supposing, sir, no one sneaks aboard this ship without my knowledge. Have my eyes peeled at all times, rarely scan of her interloperson forcibly if necessary. But just a minute, officer. The truth is, she's my granddaughter.

show clip [00:06:10]:

Your granddaughter?

Love Boat Clip [00:06:12]:

Yes. She didn't notice it's a ship.

Producer Caleb [00:06:13]:

But that is a lie.

Love Boat Clip [00:06:15]:

I'll gladly pay for her passages. How about a cabin?

show clip [00:06:18]:

Well, sir, that could be a problem. You see, we're all sold out. There isn't another cabin on the entire ship.

Love Boat Clip [00:06:24]:

What about they got a spare lifeboat? No, they got room in the swimming pool. Shallow, about the deeper end. She's a good swimmer. Sir, if she's your granddaughter, why doesn't she share your cabin? Why didn't I say you that before? Because it is stinks. That idea stinks.

show clip [00:06:46]:

Julie, it was your idea. Gopher.

Charlotte [00:06:49]:

Not his granddaughter. No random chick who's probably 15 is going to now stay in the room.

Producer Caleb [00:06:55]:

With an old dude random stowaway who's very young yeah. Is now going to be bunk mates with this very much older gentleman.

Charlotte [00:07:06]:

All the issues. I mean, I don't even know where to start. I really don't even know where to start.

Producer Caleb [00:07:11]:

I don't think we can start because self explanatory, like, what's wrong with it? It's cut and dry.

Rob [00:07:19]:

Well, it's kind of tit for tat.

show clip [00:07:20]:

We saw the young boys with the.

Rob [00:07:23]:

Priest in one of our last episodes.

Charlotte [00:07:24]:

And we just heard that stupid dude be like, no one gets on the ship without my knowledge.

show clip [00:07:28]:

Really?

Charlotte [00:07:28]:

We've seen that happen since episode one.

Producer Caleb [00:07:31]:

Every single episode since episode one.

show clip [00:07:34]:

God, isn't that true?

Rob [00:07:35]:

Also, if you notice the way the old man handled this, he was like, Why don't we put her in the pool? He was just waiting for them to say, why doesn't she just stay with you? And then he was like, bingo, done deal.

show clip [00:07:47]:

And that was weird.

Rob [00:07:49]:

It's like he arranged it that way.

show clip [00:07:51]:

These child molesters frequently typical stuff, right?

Love Boat Clip [00:07:55]:

Yeah.

show clip [00:07:56]:

Boy, they I guess let's just roll, guys. I'm sorry.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:03]:

Come on, let's get the bed.

Charlotte [00:08:05]:

It's getting late.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:07]:

And if you snore, I'll stuff you out the porthole. Kissing back.

show clip [00:08:13]:

Giggling.

Producer Caleb [00:08:16]:

Thankfully, they're in separate beds there.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:19]:

Thanks.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:21]:

What?

Love Boat Clip [00:08:22]:

Well, if it weren't for you, I'd probably be sleeping in the boiler room tonight.

Charlotte [00:08:30]:

Oh, my God. Dude, she's, like, 13. They put up a little Parent Trap style little camping tent and then threw a sheet over it. And she's, like, looking at him longfully. Like, if it weren't for you, she's giggling. You're my savior. Oh, my God, please save me.

show clip [00:08:53]:

Wow.

Rob [00:08:55]:

As we joke here, it's truly creepy if you're not watching the video, it's truly creepy. It's everything you imagine it to be and actually worse.

show clip [00:09:06]:

Yeah.

Producer Caleb [00:09:06]:

By the way, I don't know if I'm going to spoil this.

Charlotte [00:09:09]:

You are going to if you say another word. What are you going to say?

Producer Caleb [00:09:12]:

Well, this makes it a lot worse. She is an orphan.

Rob [00:09:17]:

Oh, me.

Charlotte [00:09:19]:

Of course she is.

Producer Caleb [00:09:21]:

The clips that I didn't put in when she said that she's a stowaway, it's because she ran away from her foster parents because she doesn't like them.

Charlotte [00:09:28]:

Oh, I feel an adoption situation happening. Okay, next clip. I feel this is happening.

Rob [00:09:33]:

I think so.

Charlotte [00:09:33]:

I'm going to steal your children. Okay.

show clip [00:09:35]:

All right. Let's find out.

Producer Caleb [00:09:38]:

Little girl.

show clip [00:09:39]:

They're doing yoga.

Love Boat Clip [00:09:40]:

If I cross my legs like that, I'd have to pry him apart with a crowbar.

show clip [00:09:43]:

I don't think it's a stone.

Love Boat Clip [00:09:45]:

Come on, give it a try.

show clip [00:09:46]:

What have you got to lose?

Love Boat Clip [00:09:47]:

My circulation.

show clip [00:09:50]:

You getting it.

Love Boat Clip [00:09:52]:

My blood's going places it hasn't been in for 60 years.

Love Boat Clip [00:09:54]:

Thank you. Now, Chant.

Charlotte [00:10:01]:

She'S obviously from California.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:04]:

Now you try.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:16]:

Where sounds of Discourse eating wood and the sky.

Rob [00:10:25]:

Touching. All right, let me set up what we just saw. They're on the pool deck. You could hear they're doing yoga. He's folding his legs Indian style. She's helping him.

Charlotte [00:10:38]:

Okay, wait. He did not get there, though. He got, like, one little gainty. Leg up.

Rob [00:10:42]:

He didn't get there, but she helped him. She pulled on him to get him into that position. Had all this dialogue, and then they fell over laughing and touching each other.

Producer Caleb [00:10:50]:

Yes, fell over laughing.

Charlotte [00:10:52]:

I saw that happen in so many La. Yoga studios that I'm really not all that phased.

Producer Caleb [00:10:57]:

Well, another thing, I want to quote the older man. He said, there is blood going to places I haven't felt in 60 years.

show clip [00:11:06]:

Did that happen?

Producer Caleb [00:11:07]:

Yeah, right as she, like, pulled his leg.

Charlotte [00:11:11]:

If a dude tells you blood is flowing anywhere, you need to know what that means. Chickadees.

show clip [00:11:16]:

Oh, my gosh.

Charlotte [00:11:17]:

Because I only mean one thing when they say blood flowing.

Rob [00:11:20]:

I had no idea that was happening. Guys.

Charlotte [00:11:23]:

I mean, does your blood not flow normally?

Rob [00:11:25]:

It does. I missed this.

show clip [00:11:30]:

Let me just see this one.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:31]:

If I crossed my legs like that, I'd have to pry them apart with a crowbar.

show clip [00:11:34]:

I don't think it's a stone.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:35]:

Come on, give it a try.

show clip [00:11:36]:

What have you got to lose?

Love Boat Clip [00:11:38]:

My circulation.

show clip [00:11:40]:

You're getting it. There we go.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:42]:

My blood's going places it hasn't been in for 60 years.

Charlotte [00:11:45]:

Oh, my God. That was after she moved his foot right around his dick.

Producer Caleb [00:11:49]:

Yeah.

Charlotte [00:11:50]:

Oh, my God.

show clip [00:11:52]:

Yeah.

Producer Caleb [00:11:54]:

This whole episode, I was literally wanting to rip my skin off because of just how uncomfortable I felt.

Charlotte [00:11:59]:

I mean, I'm a little uncomfortable, and I don't really get uncomfortable, but, I mean, that kind of made me a.

show clip [00:12:03]:

Little bit I had missed that part.

Charlotte [00:12:04]:

I had missed that part too. I'm glad Caleb brought it up now.

Rob [00:12:06]:

We saw it twice now.

Charlotte [00:12:09]:

I've heard it twice. And now I need to go take a shower.

Producer Caleb [00:12:12]:

Yeah. Remove my eyes and wash them.

show clip [00:12:14]:

Oh, my God. Yes.

Charlotte [00:12:15]:

Oh, please don't talk about eyeballs. I have such an eyeball thing, you guys. If anybody's eyeball comes out in the scary movie, I have to turn it off.

show clip [00:12:22]:

No.

Charlotte [00:12:22]:

I was literally watching Jeremy Renner's interview with Diane Sawyer, and as soon as he said, oh, my eye came out, I was like, done. We are ending the yeah. I mean, it's still in there now, but it popped out for us. I cannot handle an eyeball situation. I can't. Like, Hostel ruined it for me when the eyeballs like, don, we're not watching this movie anymore.

show clip [00:12:44]:

Yeah.

Rob [00:12:44]:

For me, it was when they clipped.

Charlotte [00:12:45]:

Like, the tendon of the no, let's stop.

Producer Caleb [00:12:49]:

Let's move on. Let's get.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:05]:

I couldn't be better.

Producer Caleb [00:13:06]:

Julie has her arms wrapped around the man.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:10]:

Does she know?

Charlotte [00:13:11]:

Yeah, there's always something.

show clip [00:13:14]:

Listen, I'm on a break right now, and I've got some great snapshots of the old gang down in my cabin. Come on, let's go take a look.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:22]:

Okay.

Love Boat Clip [00:13:23]:

Oh, I don't know. It's a shame to waste this weather.

Rob [00:13:26]:

In a stuffy old cabin. That was Anson Williams. That was Potsy from Happy Days and.

Producer Caleb [00:13:32]:

Our Julie provide context to that. So I don't know if I have any more clips of this storyline, but basically that man is Julie's brother's best friend. Older brother's best friend.

Charlotte [00:13:44]:

Julie always has someone busted up on that ship to throw a king in her day.

show clip [00:13:50]:

Yeah.

Producer Caleb [00:13:50]:

And she just tries every single scene to sleep with him. And every single time he comes up with some excuse or he's just so oblivious to it, he's just like, oh, no, I don't want to go into your cabin on such a beautiful day. Let's enjoy the sunshine, enjoy the nice, brisk air.

Charlotte [00:14:04]:

He's just not that into you.

Rob [00:14:07]:

Okay, two things.

Charlotte [00:14:08]:

A guy, if he was, would have gone back to the cabin.

Producer Caleb [00:14:11]:

Absolutely.

Rob [00:14:12]:

And that's my number two. My number one is a statement. Julie is perpetually horny.

show clip [00:14:17]:

All good.

Rob [00:14:18]:

And the gentleman is either very morally centered or gay.

show clip [00:14:26]:

Right, Caleb?

Producer Caleb [00:14:29]:

Guess I'll reveal all storylines. Mary hasn't stopped her before. No, Mary hasn't stopped anyone before.

Charlotte [00:14:40]:

Cruise director.

Rob [00:14:42]:

She is?

show clip [00:14:43]:

Yeah.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:43]:

All right, guys, next clip tomorrow will be in Acapulco. And you will see Randy, a consort.

show clip [00:14:49]:

And prince of acne.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:51]:

He doesn't have acne. He's almost 19.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:56]:

You're almost 16.

show clip [00:14:58]:

He's jealous as sin.

Charlotte [00:15:00]:

I almost called it. I said she was 14. She's almost 16. She's 15 f and years old.

Producer Caleb [00:15:06]:

Yeah. So what we just saw was the old man talking to the younger girl, and she was telling him that she has a man who she's madly in love with on one of the stops on this cruise, and she's going to stay with him and be with him forever. But he's 19. She's 15.

Charlotte [00:15:25]:

No one does anything when they're 15.

Producer Caleb [00:15:27]:

You can kind of do the math on that.

Rob [00:15:29]:

My thought here, too, is the old man's jealous.

show clip [00:15:32]:

Obviously.

Rob [00:15:33]:

He's like, I ain't going to give.

show clip [00:15:34]:

Her up to a 19 year old.

Rob [00:15:36]:

Is there a murder? I don't even murder suicide. I'm not even sure what's going to happen next.

show clip [00:15:40]:

Oh, my God.

Charlotte [00:15:40]:

We went full on dateline.

Producer Caleb [00:15:42]:

We almost did on that Christmas episode.

Charlotte [00:15:44]:

We almost did on that Christmas episode. You're full on right about that.

Rob [00:15:46]:

Okay, well, I see the next clip, the first frame of it anyway. And it's a man in a silly.

show clip [00:15:53]:

Suit, which was probably popular in the 70s, probably.

Rob [00:15:55]:

And he is Tom Poston from newhart show. And the gentleman that's trying Linda Newhart.

Charlotte [00:16:02]:

Just died today, who did Bob Newhart's.

Rob [00:16:04]:

Wife okay, well, from the newhart show.

Charlotte [00:16:08]:

You just brought that up. I just thought I'd bring in some popular culture.

show clip [00:16:11]:

It's always horrible. You always have horrible news for us.

Charlotte [00:16:14]:

Oh, wow.

Producer Caleb [00:16:15]:

This is the bringer of bad news.

Announcer [00:16:18]:

We'll be right back with more Loveboat Exposed. Go to loveboatexposed.com. To send us a message, leave a voicemail, or learn more about the show and our team. Who knows? You might just be invited to the captain's table.

Love Boat Clip [00:16:33]:

It's a pleasure to welcome you aboard.

Love Boat Clip [00:16:36]:

I'm speaking for my entire crew.

Rob [00:16:41]:

Also, the gentleman that's trying to ditch Julie's love connection is Anson Williams from Happy Days Potsy.

show clip [00:16:50]:

And here we go.

Love Boat Clip [00:16:53]:

Yeah. Well, hey. Hi, good looking. I was just leaving. Go for it.

Charlotte [00:17:00]:

Oh, my God.

Producer Caleb [00:17:02]:

Julie's coming with a forgotten jacket. Suit jacket. Very seductively.

Charlotte [00:17:07]:

Is she drunk?

Producer Caleb [00:17:08]:

No, worse.

Rob [00:17:10]:

It's Auntie Williams. And Julie's taking her clothes off.

show clip [00:17:13]:

Yep. She's doing strip. She's coming after him.

Rob [00:17:26]:

And seen, as I say, wow.

Producer Caleb [00:17:31]:

Yeah, that was very are you sure she's not drunk?

show clip [00:17:35]:

Yes.

Charlotte [00:17:36]:

That makes it almost even worse. I don't know if I've ever done a strip tease for anybody not being drunk.

show clip [00:17:40]:

It helps.

Charlotte [00:17:41]:

It definitely 100%.

Producer Caleb [00:17:44]:

I'll give you guys the context that at dinner, there's a dance going on, the music's on. Julie goes, hey, friend, would you like to dance? He goes, I'd rather not. But are you cold? Julie goes, yeah, I'm a little cold. Here, have my jacket. I'm going to go back to my cabin now. Bye, Julie. And then I think Doc comes or gopher comes, and she's like, Why doesn't he want to sleep with me? I think it was Doc. Probably Doc.

show clip [00:18:10]:

Probably Doc.

Charlotte [00:18:10]:

That sounds like a Doc question.

Producer Caleb [00:18:11]:

And Doc goes, just seduce him. Just go full Adam. And so that's what that's what we just saw.

Charlotte [00:18:18]:

She went full Adam. 100%.

Rob [00:18:20]:

Well, it looked like she was being possessed by Doc.

show clip [00:18:22]:

And we watched.

Rob [00:18:25]:

I've got no Doc fill in this episode. No quota of Doc.

Producer Caleb [00:18:30]:

Doc's been very chill the past couple episodes.

Charlotte [00:18:33]:

They probably got a notice from SAG that said, Watch your asses.

show clip [00:18:36]:

But he couldn't.

Rob [00:18:37]:

So now, much like a demon possessing like Chucky, right? Yeah, doc is possessing Julie stripping her.

show clip [00:18:45]:

Clothes off, and I'll leave it at that.

Charlotte [00:18:49]:

Dr feel good.

show clip [00:18:55]:

We're looking at champagne on ice.

Producer Caleb [00:18:58]:

The old man who's dressed very fancy.

show clip [00:19:00]:

He'S waiting for his child.

show clip [00:19:02]:

Good evening, Mr. Bootherston.

show clip [00:19:04]:

How was Acapulco?

Love Boat Clip [00:19:05]:

Nice. Julie, if you like quaint little Mexican souvenirs made in quaint little Japan.

show clip [00:19:11]:

Hey. Candles, flowers, bottle on ice.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:13]:

You got a heavy day, my granddaughter. And from the way she eats, I think she would never be heavy. One of her ancestors must have been a rabbit.

show clip [00:19:23]:

Where is Nancy?

Love Boat Clip [00:19:24]:

She'll be aboard soon. She's saying goodbye to a young man.

show clip [00:19:29]:

Well, you have a terrific dinner. And don't let all that champagne go to your head.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:34]:

Not for me. Nancy's only 16. According to a taste. I had the steward make up a bag of carrot juice.

Charlotte [00:19:47]:

Baggy.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:49]:

Thank you.

Charlotte [00:19:52]:

One I'm confused is how in the days between social media, that 16 year old found a dude in Acapulco. Like, what was she doing? How do you do that?

Rob [00:20:01]:

No Internet?

show clip [00:20:02]:

No nothing.

Charlotte [00:20:03]:

No cell phones, no Internet? No.

Producer Caleb [00:20:05]:

She's also an orphan.

Charlotte [00:20:07]:

I don't think she was traveling.

show clip [00:20:08]:

No.

Producer Caleb [00:20:09]:

Well, that wasn't explained. That is not explained.

Charlotte [00:20:12]:

Not ever explained. But I do not like the fact that he has, like, this whole romantic candle at dinner with champagne and stuff, like, ready for his granddaughter. I don't know, maybe I'm being a.

Producer Caleb [00:20:21]:

Little bit too, I don't know, granddaughter in quotation marks.

Charlotte [00:20:24]:

It's not even his granddaughter.

Producer Caleb [00:20:26]:

But another thing that kind of you guys could probably help me on this, but the champagne wasn't just for him. He has a 15 year old granddaughter who I am assuming is going to also drink this champagne. So he's getting an underage girl.

Charlotte [00:20:41]:

My grandma did that all the time with a hot tody. She was like, go to bed. She was like, stop. Come on. Now. That part doesn't bother me. The fact that it's not really his child bothers me.

Producer Caleb [00:20:54]:

It's the whole setting of him looking like he's at a date, a very romantic date.

Charlotte [00:20:58]:

I mean, he has on a tuxedo bra.

show clip [00:21:00]:

That's weird.

Rob [00:21:02]:

Tonight was the night for him.

Charlotte [00:21:04]:

Tonight was the night for him, not for her. She's hanging out with her 19 year old hot Mexican literally throw up.

Rob [00:21:10]:

I mean, this is what we're looking at.

Charlotte [00:21:12]:

I know that's what we're looking at.

show clip [00:21:14]:

There's probably something Shakespearean in all this.

Charlotte [00:21:16]:

I'm sure there is.

show clip [00:21:17]:

All right, well, on that note, let's just roll the girl.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:25]:

But Randy and I got hung up in this long conversation. Before we knew it, the ship was gone. He drove all night to catch up with the ship.

show clip [00:21:33]:

That's really nice, that he's a nice guy.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:36]:

Oh, and he agrees with you. We should wait to get married.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:39]:

He's also a bright guy.

Love Boat Clip [00:21:42]:

I'm going to go and finish school, even if it does mean staying with those people in Santa Monica.

Charlotte [00:21:52]:

Wait a minute. She's an orphan in Santa Monica? I literally take back everything I ever said. She is fine. She is 100% fine.

Rob [00:22:01]:

Where she's being passed around, dude.

Charlotte [00:22:04]:

She fled the house and ran onto a boat as a stowaway.

Rob [00:22:07]:

But why did she flee the house?

Producer Caleb [00:22:09]:

She didn't like her first appearance.

Charlotte [00:22:10]:

She just didn't like them.

Rob [00:22:11]:

Why didn't she like them?

Producer Caleb [00:22:13]:

She said that they treated her like a baby and they didn't let her.

Charlotte [00:22:16]:

Grow up because she is a baby.

show clip [00:22:17]:

She's 52.

Charlotte [00:22:18]:

She is a child.

Producer Caleb [00:22:19]:

It is straight off like that line from The Little Mermaid where she's like, I'm 16, father.

Charlotte [00:22:25]:

Why didn't you let me grow up and go out and explore the world, have Marcy?

Rob [00:22:29]:

Honestly, after watching the scene, I'm just suspicious of everyone.

Charlotte [00:22:33]:

I'm suspicious of everything.

Rob [00:22:35]:

Well, is there another clip in the show? Oh, my gosh, there is.

show clip [00:22:38]:

Here we go. Ronald, Julie, Vincent, this is the I.

show clip [00:22:45]:

Know you're hiding in here. I can smell paint.

Producer Caleb [00:22:52]:

Mr. Miyagi.

show clip [00:22:54]:

What's new?

Charlotte [00:22:55]:

Wax on, wax off.

show clip [00:22:57]:

The Captain's in his quarter, so please get off the ship now before he sees you, or I'll be off with you.

Love Boat Clip [00:23:03]:

Oh, we're very sorry for all the mishaps, Miss McCoy, and thank you for everything.

show clip [00:23:09]:

Ronald, what do we do now?

Love Boat Clip [00:23:12]:

What would you say to a skiing vacation in Vale? We could be ski instructors. We can't ski. Well, we can't paint either, but we did con them out of a free cruise, didn't.

show clip [00:23:27]:

We?

Charlotte [00:23:29]:

One, I have no doubt that Mr. Miyagi can literally do anything. He literally caught a fly with a pair of chopsticks. This motherfucker can ski. You know what I'm saying?

Rob [00:23:38]:

I do know what you're saying. I know him as Mr. Miyagi, of course, but also as Arnold from Happy.

show clip [00:23:44]:

Days, the early days of Happy Days. And he had Arnold's where everybody hung out.

Rob [00:23:48]:

And it's always good to see Arnold or Mr. Miyagi show up in a scene. It appears he has a male partner in this scene, and they travel together doing scams. Yeah, I love having fun.

Producer Caleb [00:24:01]:

Early in the beginning of the episode, the captain's like, hey, I want to paint my cabin a different color. And then I think gopher's like, well, I hired these expert painters. They're going to paint your cabin. It's going to be pristine. It's going to be amazing. And then Mr. Miyagi and this other gentleman is like, hey, we're going to paint your cabin this color. They screw up. The captain gets pissed. They screw up again. The captain's like, all right, get off my boat before I basically throw you overboard. So they go hiding. And that's the scene that we just saw, where turns out they're not painters, they're scam artists.

Charlotte [00:24:33]:

I love that even more that Mr. Miyagi is a scam artist.

Producer Caleb [00:24:35]:

Finally, it threw me off when I was watching this episode, because watching The Karate Kid, mr. Miyagi doesn't really speak, let alone in an American accent.

Charlotte [00:24:43]:

Oh, he speaks wax on, wax off. Daniel son.

Producer Caleb [00:24:46]:

But it's hearing this version of him, it was kind of like my ears didn't register that this is Mr. Miyagi, but it is. Yeah.

Rob [00:24:52]:

And in all fairness, the other gentleman that was with him, sort of a character comedian from the 70s named Artie Johnson, who I just remember from, even.

Charlotte [00:25:03]:

Though it was before my time, you literally remember everything.

Rob [00:25:06]:

He's from laughing.

Charlotte [00:25:07]:

Okay.

Rob [00:25:08]:

As was Goldie Hawn and many other people. But Artie Johnson, who I don't remember.

show clip [00:25:13]:

Seeing much after these episodes of The.

Rob [00:25:14]:

Love Boat, but Pat Marita long.

show clip [00:25:17]:

Long. Why did it go?

Rob [00:25:18]:

I'm not sure.

Charlotte [00:25:18]:

I'm not sure either. That was a nice sound effect.

Rob [00:25:22]:

Pat Marita.

show clip [00:25:24]:

Boom.

Rob [00:25:24]:

Honestly, he's like, infinite.

show clip [00:25:26]:

Yeah. Truly. For sure.

Rob [00:25:27]:

We have one more scene, it appears.

show clip [00:25:29]:

And here it is exiting the boat. I got to go.

Rob [00:25:34]:

Here's a seagull old man's holding the little ghost.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:38]:

Please let me go.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:39]:

You know, you hardly ever see a seagull in Mckeeport, Pennsylvania.

show clip [00:25:42]:

What's going on? I'm into stuffing up the standard without blubbering like some 16 year old without you stalling.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:49]:

Who's stalling?

Charlotte [00:25:51]:

Hi, Nancy.

show clip [00:25:52]:

Miss Whiskey.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:54]:

Put this in. Franklin B.

Charlotte [00:25:56]:

It's nice to finally meet you after talking so many times.

Love Boat Clip [00:25:59]:

Teacher's been talking.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:00]:

I've been trying to find out your social worker. Since you don't like that family you're staying with, you'd like to try me out.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:06]:

I mean, you want to be my Buster Paris?

show clip [00:26:09]:

Oh, wow.

Charlotte [00:26:11]:

Of course, we'd have to put Mr. Bootherstone through a rigorous screening, but there's a possibility rigorous screening? Get the out of here. They literally give anybody a false she needs me.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:19]:

If only to enlarge her vocabulary.

show clip [00:26:22]:

You only need her to enlarge you, James.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:24]:

That's okay with me.

show clip [00:26:25]:

He's worth waiting for, and so is she.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:28]:

Hey, this is far out.

show clip [00:26:29]:

I mean, I'll take care of you. I can cook for you.

Love Boat Clip [00:26:32]:

If you serve me a zucchini covered with bean sprouts, the deal is off.

show clip [00:26:35]:

Oh, no.

Producer Caleb [00:26:37]:

I would like to point out that that whole scene, the old man and the girl were holding hands. Not just like, classroom fingers were interlocked. That whole, like, three minute clip.

Charlotte [00:26:48]:

I feel like we need, like, an update on where is she now? I want to know what happened to the story.

Rob [00:26:53]:

I don't know. And there's this old woman social worker who I question if she's really a social worker.

Charlotte [00:26:58]:

No, she looks way too stylish.

Producer Caleb [00:27:00]:

She is. Well, I believe she is, because the old man said, hey, Gopher, I'd like to make an international call while we're on boat.

Rob [00:27:06]:

That's part of his camp. But either way, she's just handing home.

Charlotte [00:27:12]:

And cook for the old man. She said, I'll cook for you.

show clip [00:27:15]:

Caleb, you set this whole thing up.

Charlotte [00:27:17]:

This whole thing in motion. Caleb. You did all of it.

Producer Caleb [00:27:19]:

It's all my fault. I'm sorry.

Charlotte [00:27:23]:

That was wonderful. That was a great one.

show clip [00:27:25]:

Wow. Yes.

Producer Caleb [00:27:28]:

I still feel dirty. I feel even more dirty now.

show clip [00:27:30]:

Oh, yeah.

Charlotte [00:27:30]:

We're taking showers tonight.

show clip [00:27:32]:

Yeah.

Rob [00:27:32]:

Before the next episode will be very clean.

Charlotte [00:27:34]:

Very fresh. And so clean.

Rob [00:27:36]:

Clay all right, everybody. Well, thank you. Thank you, Producer. Caleb.

Charlotte [00:27:40]:

Thank you.

Producer Caleb [00:27:41]:

Absolutely.

Rob [00:27:41]:

And we'll be back next week for another episode.

Producer Caleb [00:27:45]:

Don't forget to, like, subscribe and share with a friend, guys. See you around.

Announcer [00:27:48]:

We're sailing away, but we will be back with a new episode of Crime Cruise Love Boat Exposed. Make sure to subscribe. We're on all your favorite podcast platforms and connect with us@loveboatexposed.com.

Love Boat Clip [00:28:04]:

Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure, but I have duties on the bridge.

Announcer [00:28:09]:

Good evening.