Ep09 - A Priest. A Bathtub. A Gun and Mrs. Brady

Announcer [00:00:01]:

This is Crime Cruise, Love Boat exposed saturday on The Love Boat, the podcast that hunts down and tears apart shenanigans on this classic TV show.

Love Boat Clip [00:00:13]:

I see an awful lot of bodies who really have nothing to be ashamed.

Announcer [00:00:16]:

Of when laws, morals and behavior go rogue.

Love Boat Clip [00:00:20]:

He's a student of marine biology, and I know a lot of Marines who like to study her biology.

Announcer [00:00:26]:

We are there Saturday on the Love.

Rob [00:00:28]:

Boat Julia's game to join an all male club. But she's shocked. The things they ask her to do.

Announcer [00:00:34]:

Now from Studio 109, welcome aboard.

Love Boat Clip [00:00:38]:

I think it's time you and I.

Charlotte [00:00:40]:

Got to know each other.

Love Boat Clip [00:00:42]:

A man gets very lonely at sea.

Charlotte [00:00:46]:

Yes, I can imagine.

Rob [00:00:49]:

We are sailing, and this is Cruise.

Charlotte [00:00:51]:

Cruise.

Rob [00:00:52]:

Love Boat exposed.

Charlotte [00:00:53]:

High season, low morals.

Rob [00:00:55]:

That's our cue to tell you our names. I'm Rob, and this is Charlotte. And over there in the corner with.

Producer Caleb [00:01:02]:

A Christmas kind of sweater thing, an Australian football jersey. That's a festive episode.

Charlotte [00:01:08]:

I will celebrate anything Christmas.

Rob [00:01:10]:

So you did say that when we were communicating, doing the preshow kind of meeting, you said two things your jaw is going to drop or our jaws are going to drop.

Producer Caleb [00:01:19]:

My jaw did drop.

Charlotte [00:01:20]:

Yes.

Rob [00:01:21]:

And that it's a festive Christmas episode.

Producer Caleb [00:01:24]:

I've got a lot of opinions on it, but we'll talk about it later throughout this episode.

Charlotte [00:01:28]:

All right?

Producer Caleb [00:01:29]:

Okay.

Rob [00:01:31]:

You're a coy little minx over there, aren't you?

Charlotte [00:01:33]:

He is.

Producer Caleb [00:01:34]:

What can I say? I'm very secluded in my corner. I'm very private.

Rob [00:01:39]:

It looks like we have a total of about five and a half minutes.

Producer Caleb [00:01:42]:

Not many clips this episode, but the one that shocked me, it's my highlight. It's probably the number one shock that I've wait.

Charlotte [00:01:52]:

I'm ready because I feel like we'll be able to fill some shit in with some dialogue. I mean, I always got opinions.

Rob [00:01:56]:

Charlotte, explain the show.

Charlotte [00:01:58]:

Oh, my God. Why? Okay, so we watch I know the original series from three totally different perspectives. Rob actually watched the show when it was on TV. I am 44, so I've never seen the show, really? But I am very familiar with all the people that are in it because I'm big fans of, like, Three's Company and The Jeffersons.

Rob [00:02:16]:

You're a child of pop culture.

Charlotte [00:02:18]:

I am a 100% a child of pop culture. And also, since I worked in the film industry, I know a lot of the people. It's fun to see them flashback. Right. And then Caleb is our young 20 something, and he never watched the show, knows nothing about it, knows none of the people in it, and we all just come and give our little opinions about what's going on, how we would perceive it in this day and age.

Producer Caleb [00:02:38]:

Yeah, you guys kind of just picked me up on the highway.

Charlotte [00:02:40]:

We did. If Caleb is missing, we don't have, like if the Utah Police Department is looking for a really adorable kid. Please.

Producer Caleb [00:02:52]:

Fun fact, I'm not going to go into it, but Australia has no idea where I am right now.

Charlotte [00:02:57]:

Well, crap. You cannot say this stuff.

Rob [00:03:00]:

Well, okay, I'm going to put this clip in the batter's box.

Charlotte [00:03:04]:

Let's do it.

Rob [00:03:05]:

And we're going to see something that it sounds like will astounded shock us.

Charlotte [00:03:09]:

I'm ready. I'm ready to be astounded and shocked.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:11]:

Okay, guys, now settle down, settle down.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:15]:

Hi. Welcome aboard. Father Mike. It's good to see you again.

Charlotte [00:03:18]:

This is already a problem.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:20]:

I'd like you to meet mario, Artie, Ben, Mitch, peanut.

Charlotte [00:03:25]:

Hello. No.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:27]:

Hi.

Rob [00:03:28]:

Very young boys and a priest.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:30]:

Okay, guys, let's get going now.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:32]:

No running, no pushing, no shoving, and no fighting.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:35]:

Julie, breathe.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:37]:

Let me think about it.

Love Boat Clip [00:03:42]:

Was that Father Mike?

Love Boat Clip [00:03:43]:

Yes, sir. He brought six kids with him this year.

Charlotte [00:03:47]:

Oh, my God. I don't even know where to start. That a priest gets on a cruise ship with six young boys, all diverse, by the way, just in case anyone's wondering. All diverse, all equally exposed, everyone's represented. But can we breathe? Like, what is this? Dude, what the this is crazy. I don't even know. Literally.

Producer Caleb [00:04:15]:

So they're orphans at, I guess, the Priest's orphanage or whatever.

Charlotte [00:04:21]:

You guys, this is bad.

Producer Caleb [00:04:25]:

But it definitely shows the dynamics of the differentiating of generations because this would not fly under any circumstance in today's life. But in the guess they could get away with it.

Charlotte [00:04:38]:

No. I'm going to bring a bunch of orphan boys into international waters where I can't get charged with anything on a boat. They're all kind of bad.

Rob [00:04:52]:

And this would be an before there was this exposed Catholic church thing, of course. And everyone's with Father Baba what's the father's name again? Father Mike or something like that.

Charlotte [00:05:03]:

Really?

Charlotte [00:05:03]:

At this point, they're all there to.

Rob [00:05:05]:

Make sure he gets what he wants.

Charlotte [00:05:07]:

Because he's in control of the children. He won't even let them breathe.

Rob [00:05:11]:

No. Although one was kind of climbing over the railing of the boat, eclipsed one out.

Producer Caleb [00:05:15]:

That was like the rap scallion, the rebel child, whatever.

Charlotte [00:05:19]:

Oh, God, he's going to be the first one dead.

Producer Caleb [00:05:22]:

He was, like, trying to climb over.

Charlotte [00:05:24]:

He'd be the first one gone.

Producer Caleb [00:05:25]:

And the Father Mike was like, Father hey, Joey, or whatever his name was, get down from the ledge. And Joe was like, I'm not from the ledge. And he's like, you were. And then he come over. I cut it out because it was just a little funny comedy that wasn't needed.

Charlotte [00:05:39]:

He's kidnapping children without parents.

Rob [00:05:41]:

I have a lot of questions. I'm going to ask you this, just this one question.

Producer Caleb [00:05:46]:

Yeah.

Rob [00:05:47]:

Does it get weirder than what we just saw on this episode with the children and the priest?

Producer Caleb [00:05:52]:

No, it's actually kind of wholesome at the end.

Rob [00:05:58]:

All right.

Producer Caleb [00:06:00]:

There is one clip, of course.

Charlotte [00:06:01]:

They tied it up with a bow. This is like the 70s. They're not going to make us think the priest was doing anything with the young boys he brought on board into a cabin for seven days.

Producer Caleb [00:06:11]:

There is one more clip. I'm pretty sure one more clip with the priest that you guys are also going to enjoy.

Rob [00:06:17]:

Joy is a strange word to apply to God.

Charlotte [00:06:20]:

I should have brought holy water to spray on all of us. Okay, let's exorcism that happens. Jesus. That might be good for Julie, though, if her head starts spinning around.

Rob [00:06:28]:

Oh, my God, that would be good.

Love Boat Clip [00:06:29]:

Hi, Penny. Everything's going to be all right.

Rob [00:06:33]:

Pretty blonde lately.

Love Boat Clip [00:06:33]:

When we get back home, I can make a brand new start.

Love Boat Clip [00:06:37]:

Sure.

Love Boat Clip [00:06:39]:

What do I do? I'm a lawyer, Lila.

show clip [00:06:42]:

Lawyer.

Rob [00:06:43]:

You can't practice law.

Love Boat Clip [00:06:44]:

You'll find something.

show clip [00:06:46]:

Yeah, maybe I'll just answer every ad I see for a convicted embezzler.

Charlotte [00:06:53]:

Well, first of all, my first thought was, honey, if you were dating an attorney who's no longer an attorney, that has been disbarred. So what did he do? And he just told us he was an embezzler.

Producer Caleb [00:07:05]:

Convicted embezzler?

Charlotte [00:07:06]:

Yeah, convicted. I think they call that white collar crime. And one why is he on a vacation?

Rob [00:07:12]:

They booked it and they couldn't get.

Charlotte [00:07:14]:

A refund back because he's white. That's why he says office judge. I'm so sorry. I have a vacation planned. May I? Please go ahead of time. Oh, yeah, honey. Go ahead, Julie. Just give me, like a go into international waters, please.

Rob [00:07:27]:

There's a priest there, too.

Charlotte [00:07:29]:

Oh, my God.

show clip [00:07:30]:

Party.

Charlotte [00:07:31]:

I'll get saved at the same time.

Producer Caleb [00:07:33]:

It sounds like a start to a joke. A priest with six kids and a convicted.

Charlotte [00:07:41]:

Wow, this is the best episode.

Rob [00:07:45]:

And producer Caleb's wearing a Christmas vest for some reason.

Producer Caleb [00:07:48]:

I can't even we're getting festive.

Charlotte [00:07:49]:

We're getting there, Rob. To be patient. That's the problem with guys. Be patient. All right. Okay. I just got to roll this next one.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:00]:

How are the kids?

Love Boat Clip [00:08:02]:

They're getting ready for dinner. I only had to break up one.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:05]:

Water fight and one soap fight.

Charlotte [00:08:07]:

Well, we where was that?

Love Boat Clip [00:08:08]:

Clean.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:10]:

You're good with kids.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:12]:

They destroy people.

Love Boat Clip [00:08:15]:

Maybe that's why you're a priest and I'm a captain. I understand the sea.

Charlotte [00:08:24]:

Where did he break up the soap fight? In the water fight. Where was this fight taking place? Obviously, there's no pool. They're not in the ocean, so they must have been in a bathtub.

Rob [00:08:33]:

I understand the sea meant something horrible here, but I can't quite figure it out.

Producer Caleb [00:08:39]:

The biggest thing for me on this clip was the captain goes, you're good with kids.

Charlotte [00:08:46]:

Oh, my God. This is how it happens.

Producer Caleb [00:08:48]:

This cannot fly today.

Rob [00:08:51]:

Oh, my God.

Charlotte [00:08:51]:

So fast. You're good with kids. They're all chopped up in my backyard.

Producer Caleb [00:08:57]:

Yeah, I'm good with kids. When we're playing with water, when I'm.

Charlotte [00:09:00]:

Breaking up soap and waterfies in the shower. I'm great with them.

Producer Caleb [00:09:05]:

It's a great episode. Thoughts so far, guys?

Charlotte [00:09:08]:

Yeah, it's great. Caleb I'm literally disturbed. Like, I don't even know.

Producer Caleb [00:09:14]:

I've got tears in my eyes watching you guys.

Rob [00:09:18]:

And I grew up Catholic at a time before the priests were known to be sometimes not such good people.

show clip [00:09:25]:

Good way to say it.

Rob [00:09:28]:

So what am I saying? I'm just going to remove this part right here.

Charlotte [00:09:31]:

Rob, that's your Catholic guilt coming out. It was great stuff.

Producer Caleb [00:09:34]:

Let's go.

Charlotte [00:09:39]:

Second guessing yourself here's my Catholic guilt.

Rob [00:09:41]:

We're going to watch that scene where the captain is overlooking the moonlight at nighttime, of course, with the priest, and they're just chatting like guys who are, on the surface, outstanding upstanding, gentlemen. But underneath, there's something wayward going on, and it's almost like they're saying to each other, I know what you do, and I'm okay with it because I'm a man of a sea.

Charlotte [00:10:08]:

Because you're good with kids.

Rob [00:10:10]:

Let's just yeah, I got to roll this again.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:12]:

How are the kids?

Love Boat Clip [00:10:14]:

They're getting ready for dinner. I only had to break up one.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:17]:

Water fight and one soap fight.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:19]:

Well, we still come to dinner clean.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:23]:

You're good with kids.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:25]:

They're just short people.

Love Boat Clip [00:10:27]:

Maybe that's why you're a priest and I'm a captain. I understand the sea.

Charlotte [00:10:36]:

I mean, I can't I missed the part where he said, at least they'll come to dinner clean. Like what?

Producer Caleb [00:10:44]:

Yeah. Because they had a soap and water fight. Yeah.

Rob [00:10:51]:

They didn't put those words together, like, in the same phrase, but yeah, they.

Charlotte [00:10:55]:

Had they'll be clean. That means they were in the shower, you guys, because when you come out of a pool, you still take a bath. I mean, this is crazy. Sit.

Rob [00:11:05]:

I understand the sea.

Charlotte [00:11:07]:

What the does that even mean? He's acting like he's Caffeine ahab out there. And he's literally I haven't seen him.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:16]:

In the ship thing.

Charlotte [00:11:17]:

I haven't seen him use that steering wheel one time.

Rob [00:11:19]:

No.

Charlotte [00:11:20]:

Does he?

Rob [00:11:21]:

No, I don't think he does anywhere.

Charlotte [00:11:23]:

Maybe he understands.

Rob [00:11:24]:

Maybe the Pacific Princess Line?

Charlotte [00:11:26]:

He understands the rocking and the rolling of the sea is what he understands. Low seas and high morals. Sorry. High seas and morals. Whatever.

Rob [00:11:34]:

I'm still absorbing this.

Producer Caleb [00:11:38]:

It gets worse.

Charlotte [00:11:40]:

Oh, my God. Let's go. Next one, then it gets worse.

Rob [00:11:43]:

All right, guys, let's go one more time.

Producer Caleb [00:11:46]:

We're playing at third time.

Charlotte [00:11:47]:

Yeah.

Rob [00:11:47]:

I got to see this again.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:49]:

How are the kids?

Love Boat Clip [00:11:51]:

They're getting ready for dinner. I only had to break up one.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:54]:

Water fight and one soap fight.

Love Boat Clip [00:11:57]:

Well, we still come to dinner clean.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:00]:

You're good with kids.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:02]:

That destroy people.

Charlotte [00:12:04]:

I destroy people.

Producer Caleb [00:12:05]:

I have no idea what he says. I listened to this so many damn times.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:09]:

I have I understand the scene.

Charlotte [00:12:12]:

I disrupt people. I destroy people.

Producer Caleb [00:12:15]:

I read people. I don't know.

Charlotte [00:12:17]:

What is he saying?

Rob [00:12:18]:

That's one of the reasons I played this three times now. I destruct people or I destroy people.

Charlotte [00:12:24]:

I know. I can't tell what he's saying, but it's one of the other. He's saying one of the other.

Rob [00:12:29]:

And the captain, he's like, I wholeheartedly agree.

Charlotte [00:12:32]:

That's why I understand the sea, the.

Rob [00:12:34]:

Way children are with you. The C is to me, my woman.

Charlotte [00:12:38]:

I'm literally going to throw up my mouth. We have to go to the next cliff. We cannot watch this again. Oh, my God.

show clip [00:12:45]:

Everybody that would let his supposed best friend go to jail for a crime he committed.

Charlotte [00:12:51]:

Walt.

show clip [00:12:53]:

Yes, Walt.

Love Boat Clip [00:12:53]:

Oh, no.

show clip [00:12:55]:

Lila I had three years to think about it. I went over every detail of that trial, night after night. I memorized the transcript. It always added up to just one name. Good old Walt perry.

Charlotte [00:13:08]:

Okay, so was he innocent? He was framed by a dude on the boat. This is security.

Producer Caleb [00:13:14]:

Another reason his best friend, who was also a lawyer who represented him, walt was the one who actually embezzled. And he set him up.

Charlotte [00:13:23]:

Wow, that sucks.

Producer Caleb [00:13:25]:

What a great Christmas episode, guys. I love all the Christmas themes that's going on. Priests with six children, attorneys committed of embezzlement.

Charlotte [00:13:35]:

I don't know about anybody else. It sounds like a goddamn griswold. Christmas, is what it sounds like. Literally. Uncle Eddie showing up would be the tip of the ice. If he rolls in with an RV, cousin Ed, if he rolls in on an RV, I am here for it on the cruise. So here for it.

Rob [00:13:50]:

Wow. Okay. And also the way the dude, he's a brooding fella. Every time they cut to this gentleman who's been a disbarred lawyer, he's just looking off to the horizon like, what.

Producer Caleb [00:14:02]:

Is going on in my life? Got a lot on his mind.

Charlotte [00:14:05]:

Yeah, right.

Rob [00:14:06]:

Well, he's a brooding character.

Producer Caleb [00:14:07]:

It's good.

Charlotte [00:14:08]:

Next clip?

Rob [00:14:09]:

Yeah. Thank you.

Charlotte [00:14:11]:

Let's go. Wow.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:12]:

Merry Christmas. Group.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:14]:

Merry Christmas, Doc.

show clip [00:14:16]:

Julie isaac.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:19]:

Isaac. What's in this?

Rob [00:14:21]:

Fruit juice and rum that's made from.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:23]:

An old secret recipe.

Charlotte [00:14:24]:

Bill cosby's recipe.

Love Boat Clip [00:14:26]:

Leave out the fruit juice.

Producer Caleb [00:14:28]:

Just pure rum. Pure rum out in the open.

Rob [00:14:31]:

Right.

Producer Caleb [00:14:31]:

Or anyone to grab. Including the six children.

Charlotte [00:14:34]:

Oh, I didn't think about the six children on board.

Rob [00:14:36]:

No.

Charlotte [00:14:37]:

Why?

Rob [00:14:37]:

As the priest would say, no rules, just right.

Charlotte [00:14:39]:

He might want them all liquored up. Who knows? At least they're clean. They're clean.

Rob [00:14:48]:

Give some of what I'm saying some of Isaac's thousand proof punch to the priest, and he'll make good use of it.

Charlotte [00:14:56]:

Yeah.

Announcer [00:14:56]:

We'll be right back with more Loveboat Exposed. Go to loveboatexposed.com. To send us a message, leave a voicemail, or learn more about the show and our team. Who knows? You might just be invited to the captain's table.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:12]:

It's a pleasure to welcome you aboard. I'm speaking for my entire crew.

Charlotte [00:15:18]:

I think I had some of that thousand proof punch in college. We caught it. PJ. It was in a bathtub.

Producer Caleb [00:15:23]:

A bath where the kids had water fights, probably.

Charlotte [00:15:26]:

Shoot. Yeah. This is Mr. Bubble time here. We're just all throwing out stuff. Let's just see what lands and sticks.

show clip [00:15:33]:

Audrey's, is that you?

Love Boat Clip [00:15:35]:

Never mind me. Since when did you start drinking?

Love Boat Clip [00:15:39]:

I can't remember. I'm drinking to forget.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:42]:

How much have you had?

Charlotte [00:15:44]:

It is.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:49]:

What's all this going to cost?

Love Boat Clip [00:15:50]:

Plenty.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:55]:

Boy, I hope I was seeing double.

Love Boat Clip [00:15:58]:

You're going to be seeing triple when we get to the room because I have a whole lot of new stuff down there.

Love Boat Clip [00:16:03]:

Do you expect me to pay for this?

Love Boat Clip [00:16:06]:

You got it, ace, dear, isn't there something you forgot to ask me for? It starts with a D.

Charlotte [00:16:21]:

Yeah.

Love Boat Clip [00:16:21]:

You want to dance?

Producer Caleb [00:16:23]:

I'll give some context to this clip where we just saw someone make fun of alcoholism and spending very recklessly.

Charlotte [00:16:30]:

But it was Miss Brady, and he.

Rob [00:16:32]:

Was overplaying drunk, too.

Producer Caleb [00:16:34]:

Yeah. So these couple, they hate each other, but they don't know that they hate each other. They both want to divorce each other, but they don't know that they want to both divorce each other. They put on this facade, and so they just get so tired of it on the cruise that they were like, all right, what's the worst thing I could do to get my wife to divorce me? Or what's the worst thing I can do to get my husband to divorce me? So he got piss faced and she just spent all of his money.

Charlotte [00:17:00]:

How about you have open conversations with the people that you're married to and the people that you're in relationships with and just, like, talk about it instead of driving each other crazy? I don't get this stuff.

Producer Caleb [00:17:11]:

Charlotte, you're saying that a healthy relationship or a relationship needs.

Charlotte [00:17:17]:

Too much. Sometimes I'm too honest. Sometimes, too. But I know it's crazy.

Producer Caleb [00:17:20]:

Two episodes in a row where you.

Charlotte [00:17:22]:

Just talk to this nonsense about communication.

Producer Caleb [00:17:25]:

Communication.

Charlotte [00:17:26]:

What am I thinking? Everyone just go past each other like ships in the night. That's fine with me. Love boat thing.

Producer Caleb [00:17:33]:

Cruise.

Charlotte [00:17:33]:

We'll just ships in the night. Just passing in the hallway.

Rob [00:17:36]:

Well, all that said, it was nice to see Mrs. Brady looking beautiful. Yeah, sure.

Charlotte [00:17:44]:

I mean, she looked beautiful.

Rob [00:17:46]:

I thought you watched The Brady Bunch. Right?

Producer Caleb [00:17:48]:

I've seen a couple episodes, yeah, but I was young.

Charlotte [00:17:50]:

She's a good looking lady. Really good.

Rob [00:17:52]:

Who's, Kotter? Mrs. Brady or Mrs. Partridge?

Charlotte [00:17:56]:

Partridge.

Producer Caleb [00:17:57]:

I don't know who Mrs. Partridge is. So you can't ask Partridge Family. Caleb never, never watched that. Sorry.

Charlotte [00:18:02]:

Partridge for sure. But I'm kind of trying to think like, what mom on TV was. Like, the contest and I'm having a hard time. I'm trying to really think, like, I don't know, like Family ties. Like, she was kind of cute, she was happy. Growing Pain was kind of like, who was like, the cute? And I don't know, because they all just look like Moms to right?

Rob [00:18:23]:

Right.

Charlotte [00:18:23]:

When I was a kid, you know what I mean?

Rob [00:18:24]:

But Meredith Baxter Bernie, who was on.

Charlotte [00:18:27]:

An earlier Playboy episode. Yeah.

Charlotte [00:18:29]:

Who.

Rob [00:18:29]:

The doc just was saying to her in his private office, you look awesome naked.

show clip [00:18:33]:

And she's like, oh, thanks, Doc.

Charlotte [00:18:35]:

She's like, thanks, Bra.

Rob [00:18:36]:

And I know you're a little bit partial to Mrs. Partridge because didn't you date Danny Bonaduce?

Producer Caleb [00:18:42]:

Get the fucking.

Charlotte [00:18:46]:

Rob.

Charlotte [00:18:47]:

No. Literally, I've only dated Oscar winners. Get out of here. No daily. God. Get the away. You're crazy. Danny bought a no. I'm lately, like, taller than that motherfucker.

Rob [00:19:03]:

I say date, that's probably the wrong word.

Charlotte [00:19:05]:

Well, okay. That's even worse.

Producer Caleb [00:19:09]:

It Rob's getting the next clip ready.

Charlotte [00:19:11]:

Take something tonight to get all punchy and crazy.

Rob [00:19:16]:

Throw it shit at the wall.

Charlotte [00:19:19]:

Let's just throw everything at the goddamn wall.

Charlotte [00:19:21]:

Okay?

Charlotte [00:19:22]:

Let's roll the next clip and get Rob into a new headspace.

Producer Caleb [00:19:25]:

This is the one. This is the clip. We see the Quentin.

show clip [00:19:31]:

Never heard of you like that.

Producer Caleb [00:19:33]:

Walt convict and walt.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:36]:

Dad.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:36]:

My boy. Well, I've been looking all over for you.

show clip [00:19:40]:

Really? Out in the ocean.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:44]:

You always were a great kidder.

show clip [00:19:49]:

I'm not kidding now, old.

Love Boat Clip [00:19:56]:

Don'T do anything foolish.

show clip [00:19:59]:

I've already done something foolish.

Charlotte [00:20:01]:

Oh.

show clip [00:20:02]:

I served three years in prison for.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:04]:

Something you did, buddy, it wasn't my fault.

show clip [00:20:08]:

I took the money.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:09]:

I admitted I was in trouble in the market. There was serious trouble. And I really needed that money desperately.

show clip [00:20:15]:

So you set me out.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:17]:

No, I swear I didn't. Look, Dan, I never thought that you'd be convicted. I always thought I could win you an Acquittal, and that way no one would be hurt.

show clip [00:20:27]:

Somebody was hurt. Walton.

Charlotte [00:20:30]:

Dan, please.

Charlotte [00:20:36]:

Holy.

Love Boat Clip [00:20:39]:

Soul.

Rob [00:20:46]:

Enter the gun away.

Producer Caleb [00:20:47]:

I heard the boys. Merry Christmas.

Rob [00:20:52]:

Wife hugs.

Producer Caleb [00:20:56]:

I was not expecting a gun.

Charlotte [00:21:02]:

Another reason for security. I literally don't have to say it again.

Producer Caleb [00:21:05]:

This whole episode, this does not feel like a lovebird episode. This is like this is the Wrestle Wild.

Charlotte [00:21:12]:

It is wild.

Producer Caleb [00:21:13]:

Crazy thing. We were about to watch someone get shot on lovebird kept pushing the barrel.

Rob [00:21:18]:

Of the gun into the dude's gut and pinned him against the wall. He was going to pull the trigger.

Charlotte [00:21:23]:

But then he started hearing the heavenly music of Christmas hymns and his whole life changed. Yeah.

Producer Caleb [00:21:27]:

And then they started singing. Like, the other people on board are singing Christmas hymns because I think it's Christmas night or, like, Christmas Eve.

Charlotte [00:21:33]:

My mood wouldn't have changed. I would have shot that motherfucker.

Producer Caleb [00:21:36]:

And then the singing would have silenced the gun. Silence. There we go. And international water.

Charlotte [00:21:40]:

International Water is done, done and done.

Producer Caleb [00:21:41]:

And then he just throws a gun overboard. Throw Walt overboard. He could do that.

Charlotte [00:21:45]:

I watched Dateline. I could pull this.

Rob [00:21:47]:

Right?

Charlotte [00:21:48]:

Right.

Rob [00:21:48]:

I don't doubt it. I think if he were to shoot the guy, he's going to then take that very gun and he's going to.

Producer Caleb [00:21:53]:

Well, he has a wife, so he.

Rob [00:21:54]:

Doesn'T really it doesn't matter. He keeps having that vacant look, like life is done for him.

Producer Caleb [00:22:00]:

Yeah, that's my top clip. Because he just pulls a gun out of nowhere on Love Boat, which is the most crazy thing, I think, in my books.

Rob [00:22:12]:

So we have priests, so shocked priests.

Producer Caleb [00:22:14]:

With little children and almost attempted murder, basically.

Charlotte [00:22:19]:

Yeah, basically.

Rob [00:22:20]:

Wow.

Producer Caleb [00:22:21]:

Welcome to loveboat. Merry Christmas, guys.

Charlotte [00:22:23]:

Merry Christmas. That's great.

Rob [00:22:24]:

More to this episode. Oh, there's 51 seconds.

Producer Caleb [00:22:27]:

There's maybe one more clip.

Charlotte [00:22:28]:

Okay, let's check it out.

Rob [00:22:29]:

Where does it go? Everything will wrap up really nicely.

Charlotte [00:22:32]:

Yeah, we'll see.

Producer Caleb [00:22:33]:

If it doesn't, I'll explain clearly.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:37]:

There's the captain's table over there.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:39]:

See this?

Producer Caleb [00:22:40]:

Hun vixen vault again.

Rob [00:22:41]:

Dan, let's get lost.

Love Boat Clip [00:22:44]:

Perry, I've got to talk to you, honey. Right, sweetheart, don't look, you've done everything you can do, but just stay away from me. Keep out of my life. Dan, listen, you gave me a gift last night, my life. Now I want to give you something in return. I contacted the police in Los Angeles. When we get back, I'm going to turn myself in, make a full confession, and I also wrote to the State Bar Commission. You'll be practicing law again very soon.

Charlotte [00:23:22]:

That doesn't just happen that way, by the way. I mean, there's lot that just doesn't.

Rob [00:23:26]:

Happen that way, even with Christmas music.

Charlotte [00:23:29]:

Maybe in 1978, maybe spirit.

Rob [00:23:32]:

I like to think Christmas changes lives.

Charlotte [00:23:34]:

Oh, wow.

Producer Caleb [00:23:36]:

I only put that clip in as.

Charlotte [00:23:38]:

A nice little bowl present.

Producer Caleb [00:23:43]:

But it's still also wild, like on Love Boat, where you'd be like, hey, I called the police. I'm handing myself. It doesn't feel like a Lovebird episode.

Charlotte [00:23:54]:

I want to know, do they have guest directors? I'm going to do some research when I get out of here. Check this out, because I want to know who directed this one, if it's different than other people, because it felt very like Magnum Pi. Almost like Miami Vice ish kind of it really did.

Rob [00:24:07]:

Was there drugs anywhere? Cocaine smuggling? Any anything like that?

Charlotte [00:24:10]:

Well, Julie had it all up her nose, remember, in her dressing room?

Rob [00:24:13]:

Those were in the later years.

Charlotte [00:24:13]:

There was in the later years. Okay.

Love Boat Clip [00:24:15]:

Got it.

Rob [00:24:16]:

I remember reading interviews back in the day with her because she got ousted from the show. And then all of a sudden, the captain had a daughter. Oh, I have a daughter. I said, Captain meryl Stubing. And she became the cruise director. Is that Julie's position? Cruise director? Yeah. So then the Captain Kotter became that, and Lauren Choos floated away.

Charlotte [00:24:37]:

Interesting. Now we know, and we'll see. We'll talk about all that soon, in, like, 25 years when we get to those episodes.

Rob [00:24:45]:

I have to ask this question, because.

Producer Caleb [00:24:47]:

What happens what happens with how do the other stories go?

Rob [00:24:52]:

I really only care about one story and the lives of six.

Producer Caleb [00:24:58]:

Yes. Okay. So it kind of ties in two of the stories together. So the third plotline, the captain, he wants to connect with the crew because the captain's so stern and like, oh, we're doing this. It's Christmas. And everyone's like, oh, I want to spend Christmas with my family. And the captain's like, no, screw you guys. We're working. And the captain's like, oh, well, maybe I should be a little nicer to them. We'll create our own family kind of thing. So he's going to the priest for help during that I'm a person of the sea or I understand the sea. The priest drops a Jesus quote, and it just changes the captain's life. And the captain tries his best to fit in with the crew and be their buddy when they're singing the Christmas carols, everyone else who's up part of the convict storyline are singing together. And then the captain comes out in a Santa outfit, and he's given presents to all the kids but one of the kids. And the kid runs off sad. Oh, captain finds the kid. He's crying. He's like, you forgot about me. I'm an orphan. I've got nothing. The captain gives him a present, and it's a very heartfelt speech about how the captain didn't really have much of an upbringing, and here's a very cool present. And the kid's like, oh, thanks, guys. Thanks, pal. And then it turns out that the captain is good friends with the priest, and he invites these children on board every Christmas because they don't have anything.

Charlotte [00:26:12]:

It ends up in a very till they're 14. And then a new group of six boys show up.

Producer Caleb [00:26:17]:

It ends in a very wholesome ending, but it's just the lead up to it all is just how we reacted. It's all so bad that we'll never fly in a 2023 or 21st century lens at all.

Charlotte [00:26:33]:

No. Wow. This is a good one, Caleb. Thank you.

Rob [00:26:36]:

Yeah, it's a good one.

Charlotte [00:26:38]:

Thanks, guys.

Rob [00:26:38]:

And it's a bit of a cliche to say I feel dirty.

Charlotte [00:26:41]:

Oh, stop. I take a shower. You'll feel better.

Charlotte [00:26:43]:

Oh, yeah.

Rob [00:26:43]:

No.

Producer Caleb [00:26:44]:

Are you going to have a water and soap fight, Rob?

Charlotte [00:26:46]:

And some communion bread?

Rob [00:26:47]:

I was thinking we all would.

Charlotte [00:26:49]:

Oh, that's what we're going to do right now.

Producer Caleb [00:26:51]:

So I got to leave my cage.

Charlotte [00:26:53]:

In the yeah, you do. But leave the Australian Christmas shirt on.

Producer Caleb [00:27:00]:

Make sure you, like, subscribe and share with a friend. Guys, we'll see you next time.

Announcer [00:27:04]:

We're sailing away, but we will be back with a new episode of Crime Cruise love Boat Exposed. Make sure to subscribe. We're on all your favorite podcast platforms and connect with us@loveboatexposed.com.

Love Boat Clip [00:27:19]:

Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure, but I have duties on the bridge. Good evening.

Charlotte [00:27:28]:

You Sam.